This afternoon was 7 years from the day my divorce became final, on May 31, 2000. My ex's MLC craziness which began more than 8 years ago seems to have been a lifetime ago. He had his MLC and our marriage was a casuality that did not survive it. I used to post as MaryC. I wanted to let those who post here today that no matter what happens in your marriage you can be OK, no more than OK! Great! Life can be good again. It is for me. There is hope no matter what happens, never lose hope. My story was as many here. After 22 years of marriage, my ex decided he loved me but was not in love with me and ran off with his nurse who also was a married woman and my friend. They eventually married October of 2005.
Slowly, the pain went away, and the wounds healed. I would be lying if I were to say that I'm as good as new. I don't think one ever is the same after the trauma of divorce. There are scars. My ex was the love of my life, the father of my children, and as such will always have a special place in my heart. It was one of those things that was not meant to be. We had our time and purpose, life marched on. It was not meant for a lifetime. I have accepted that and have moved on. I am a much stronger person for the experience, but also lost my innocence. I'm much more cynical and vigilant than I once was. However, I have learned to trust again and to love again.
I seldom see him, unless it is a family event involving our adult children. We relate well, can joke around. All the tension is gone. He's much more like an old friend from whom I drifted apart, a relative since we both share children together. In a way, he's sad figure. He sort of lost his childhood dream. Since he was a little boy he had always dreamed of being a doctor wanted to have his own practice. We met at 16 and together made that dream come true. He had it all when we were married, a beautiful family, a good career, but threw it all away. Together we built his practice. He took care of all the clinical aspects and I managed it. He never really had a business head, only cared about the medical part. No surprise that he was overwhelmed doing it all when we divorced. He ended up selling it to a corportate entity for whom he now works. His days are just as long, except he no longer works for himself and has all sorts of corporate crap to deal with. He's looks old, beaten and stressed. His hair is thinner and whiter, his gut huge. Life after divorce has not treated him kindly. Oh well, it was his choice.
Our "broken" family is put together the best it can be, but altered forever. For the sake of our children, we have both found it within us to let go of past hurts and be civil and kind to one another. We can all be in the same room together and there is no drama, even when she is there. Our children accept her because she makes him happy and they want him to be happy. Not something I care for, but have learned to let go and accept. Unfortunately, she is there too. I don't know if I can ever fully forgive her for her betrayal of our friendship and contribution for the demise of my marriage. God knows that I've tried. I think I struggle with the fact that my ex did feel remorse and did say he was sorry, but she hasn't. To this day I think it is her arrogance and sense of entitlement that bothers me the most. My ex is a much better person despite his flaws and the fact that he was wound up with an individual like her is just sad. It's a thorn on my side, but my contact with her is so seldom that in the grand scheme of things its really not even a big deal. I'm at the point that I just don't care anymore. Let Karma, God and the universe take care of her.
When God closes a door, he opens a window. During my darkest days, I made a friend who was going through the same hell and together we supported each other. Our friendship grew into something much deeper. Divorce devasted us emtionally, but also financially. Even after 7 yrs the financial effects linger, more for him than for me. But we are both on right on track, there is a light at the end of the tunnel and each year its gotten brighter and brighter. It looks that in another two years we may totally in the sunlight.
I've always had a positive outlook about life. I think that's what's carried me through. I have always had faith that God never gives me any more than I can handle. Somehow I muddled through, survived and thrived. I am a stronger and better person because of this experience.
Life is good today, no it's very good. There is peace. I'm healthier than anytime in my life. No one believes that I'm 49 and often am told I look 10 years younger. I am happy. My kids are great. There is a wonderful man with whom I share my life who adds great joy. What else can I ask for?
