In the "Joy of Sex" (old version) under the Topic Men(by him for her)the author writes
Quote:
Personal folklore apart, what the male turn-on equipment requires is the exact reverse of a virgin or passively recipient instrument-not a demand situation because that in itself can threaten a turn-off from inadequacy-feelings, but a skill situation; I can turn you on and turn myself on in doing so, and from that point we play it both ways and together.
The problem a woman encounters when interacting with a man who is LD or lacking in sexual confidence (not necessarily the same thing in my book)is that there is often not enough of a margin of error between presenting yourself as a "passively recipient instrument" or "creating a demand situation". It's difficult to have to tread the fine line between being too subtle to turn-on a man who lacks interest and being so bold that you threaten a man who lacks interest. Present yourself without the red high heels and you are informed that you aren't making adequate effort. Present yourself with the red high heels and you are commanding a performance and applying too much pressure. Maddening.
As a single woman I might hesitate to some extent in being sexually assertive with a man but the reason wouldn't be that I would be afraid of turning the average guy off, it would be that I would be afraid of, in a sense, giving him no choice about whether to be sexual with me. That's why I, for instance,would never walk up to a guy in a bar and grab his package. I understand that for physical and cultural reasons most men have a hard time saying "No". That's why I want a guy to signal strong interest first. Which is why it sucks that due to all this PC cr*p the men are waiting for "permission" to be even slightly sexual. It puts an awkward little unnatural step in the dance. (Of course, my highly ingrained skill set and pattern of arousal is such that pretty much you are going to end up having sex with me if you kiss me so I guess that's where I draw the line and feel free to become assertive or at least highly actively responsive.- LOL)
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
