That is a great question. Neediness is such a deal-killer. I thought my W would like that I was making such a fuss over her and it just turned me into a complete wuss. I think that's why being lovingly detached works. The time and space makes them miss us. We have to somehow provide that feeling to them while we're together too. We all need that time and space to be ourselves and feel value in ourselves.
I feel that when people are needy, they remind of you of car salesmen. It is such a pain to go buy a new care because they harass and beg you to take the care basically. That is how people appear when they are desperate and they are NEEDY. This is an immediate turn off to your spouse. You need to show them that you respect that they need space and that you are not going to pressure them into making a decision if they are not ready right now.
I do agree that the time and space does allow them to miss us. I can totally see a change in the interactions with my W. It seems like she loves me for not pressuring her. I am not home yet, but I am making progress.
