Hi Nop I think what I mean is that HD women are more likely to challenge the man when it comes to sex. Maybe almost in a competitive way? Not sure if that is exactly it or not. If I think of your M (and I may be way off here), my sense is that you are the clear leader in the SL department and MrsNop follows that lead. You have a higher drive than her and because of that, you are able to be more assertive/aggressive (a very masculine trait) without her having to jumpstart the dynamic. In my M, I tend to be the one to make the more aggressive/assertive move first. Something I don't like to do because I consider myself feminine and do not want to take on that masculine role. Now if I am with an Alpha male, he would have to be super assertive/aggressive with me to not have me tempted to jump on top of him first. See what I mean? If I do the "jumping" it doesn't give him a chance to take on that role. He might feel like I am too aggressive for a woman and that might turn him off. What do you think? LFL
Hi, LFL. Quote: ---------------------------------------------------------- I think what I mean is that HD women are more likely to challenge the man when it comes to sex. Maybe almost in a competitive way? Not sure if that is exactly it or not. If I think of your M (and I may be way off here), my sense is that you are the clear leader in the SL department and MrsNop follows that lead. You have a higher drive than her and because of that, you are able to be more assertive/aggressive (a very masculine trait) without her having to jumpstart the dynamic. In my M, I tend to be the one to make the more aggressive/assertive move first. Something I don't like to do because I consider myself feminine and do not want to take on that masculine role. Now if I am with an Alpha male, he would have to be super assertive/aggressive with me to not have me tempted to jump on top of him first. See what I mean? If I do the "jumping" it doesn't give him a chance to take on that role. He might feel like I am too aggressive for a woman and that might turn him off. What do you think? ----------------------------------------------------------
I think that definitely is true of some males. I don't think you can assign a percentage, because it would be largely a situational issue, or even a personality issue.
I have never been turned off by a sexually aggressive woman unless she was drunk (I don't like drunk women, or men for that matter) or inappropriate approaches (the carpet store girl for example).
So I don't think you can just say that a high drive woman really scares anyone off just because they are high drive, rather it seems like a presentation issue to me.
If I were single and you were sexually aggressive with me, I would give it right back unless you just wanted to be in control, then I could do that too, because I wouldn't find it a threat. Sex doesn't scare me. I don't think it scares most men. I DO think that many men simply don't know what to do about it.
I think that if you are aggressive with a man and his erection goes away, then he can't handle it. If you are aggressive with him and he doesn't return it, he may simply not understand what it is you are looking for. That man would be a man that doesn't understand how to communicate during sex, and would probably be representative of the majority of men.
I don't think that most men ever get a chance to really understand how to have sex without guilt or fear.
In your case, unless your husband has had many partners, it seems unfair to expect him to understand your sexuality just because he is male, regardless of where he might actually fit on the "drive scale" at any given point in time.
It is always fun to find someone that intuitively "gets you" sexually. In most encounters, my experience has been that you have to communicate with your partner in order for both of you to have the best experience possible.
-NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
Thanks for that feedback Nop. I'll have to respond tomorrow though because I need to leave now for the 5k "corporate challenge" at work...running in 90 degree heat too.
LFL said: How are HDW supposed to get their needs met when men have been conditioned by society and the LDW around them to "behave" themselves.
Well, maybe you were joking, but it sounded like you were (partly) blaming LDW for the sex problems of HDW. That would be unfair IMO.
LDW are getting the short end of the stick too because of our society. They are missing out and they don't even know it. I was one of them. Many have been programmed to believe sex is dirty and because of this they can't enjoy a fulfulling sex life. There are certainly many other causes at play too. Being LD certainly isn't a walk in the park.
And to top it all off, the HDW are looked at as "freaks" or whatever insulting term you want to use. The fact remains, HDW are NOT accepted in society and often within their very own M's. A woman who has a higher sex drive than a man is just not normal.
Who is looking at HDW as freaks? LDW? The HDW's LDH? Just curious. This labeling seems to bother you, but it doesn't make you feel like a victim? Again, just curious.
Lots of women get "pissed off" at other women for speaking their own dammmm minds. Why can't we have different views on these issues?
We can and we should have differing views. It's when we start judging other women's choices that it becomes a problem, IMO.
I'm not ashamed to discuss it. You mentioned breast feeding, I had no interest. Didn't do it. Guess that makes me a bad mom. Women love to yell at me for that one too. Whatever. My mom raised six kids on formula and we seem no worse for wear. I did the same.
Re breastfeeding: I tried to do it, but I didn't want to. Not at all. And it didn't work anyway. Why did I try? Because I foolishly allowed myself to be convinced that I would be a bad, selfish mother if I didn't breast feed. (And having a long-awaited IVF baby made me feel even more guilty.) And who was trying to convince me of this? Other women. The lactation nurse at the hospital confiscated the cans of formula from the freebie diaper bags! G@d forbid I actually use formula!
That's my point. We women don't seem to be able to just let other women do what they want. "You want to breast-feed? Fine. Here's how you do it." "You don't? Well we've got this great formula for you." That's what I mean by the polarizing. We always seem to be picking sides and fighting against each other, when we really should be supporting each other and our choices to do what is best for us.
I guess the real issue is why do women get insulted/defensive when I make these statements, whether it's about motherhood, sexuality, HD vs LD, whatever?
I get defensive when I think I'm being judged or compared to someone else and I fall short. Around here, if you are or ever have been LD, you very likely fall short, IMO. Or at least that's how it seems. I realize that is one of my issues, though. I'm sure that's the case with others you've run into. But in general I think women get defensive because they're accustomed to having to defend their "female" positions to other women.
That's pretty sad... having sex without guilt or fear is the only way you could possibly do it well.
For that matter, living most of your life without guilt or fear is the best way to achieve and be happy.
Agreed. But speaking for myself (and probably a few others around here), guilt and fear are the only ways we have known from our childhood on. And combine that with a W that has been programmed to be LD by ultra-religious parents and rural Bible belt culture, and you have a recipe for disaster.
Eh, I guess I need to get my own thread.
Chrome
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
I used to think exactly as you do, LFL, and have the old posts to prove it. My M has shocked the crud outta me and only having gone thru the fire can I say that I was wrong, completely, about my H.
He is a normal male in every way. His thought process, his drives, his fantasies, all of it.
What wasn't normal was the way WE interacted with each other. I seemed to bring out the unmanliness in him and he seemed to bring out the take-charge-fella in me. We had to go through all this crap..that is well documented on the board..and then this weird thing happened where I just..let go. I can't say it was intentional--not at all--but we finally starting interacting in a way that allowed him to learn how to be the male of the R, in every way, and I could learn how to let him lead me. What we were doing before, and I suspect you are doing in your M, was that I was in charge of our R and I wanted him to magically be the leader in the bedroom. Don't get me wrong--I didn't *want* all the control of the R..he shoved it on me when he didn't feel comfortable leading and still does (what R is ever really 'finished' after all?) and I didn't know how to handle that. I'm still working on it but we have progressed to a point where he can pound his chest and be a guy in front of me without guilt, fear, shame and his personal demon: self-consciousness. Me, I've learned a whole lot too but I don't want to go into that now; I want to offer you some encouragement that your H possesses all that he needs to top your top, inside him, all guys do most likely. For that matter, all females possess inside them the ability to let their guys lead them and be a nice little wifey and that is a learning process, too. It is easier, however, to focus on the other person and what they may or may not have and that conveniently gets us off the hook, eh! IOW, he can't top your top until you learn how to be a better bottom. I never really set out to learn how to be a better bottom, it just sortof happened and, man, as soon as I did--I mean, for real let it be a part of me, he instantly topped my top. Instantly. It still blows my mind!
My H and I were jokin the other night about what a typical, testosterone-laden butthead he is and it just seemed surreal and natural all at the same time.
I know. I was trying unsuccessfully to be kind of funny. (BTW: My kids had nothing but breastmilk and Cheerios until they were able to walk. They each weighed around 30 lbs. at that point. Moooooo. Of course, I'm just too lazy and impatient to be shoveling baby food and sterilizing bottles. Also bottles take two hands so you can't read and feed at the same time.)
The point I was trying to make was that lack of open communication can ruin anyone's sex life.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
