cross posted- 180/LRT when WS is still with OP??

[Hope_11]

Your sitch sounds a lot like mine. My h is living with the ow also. I can tell you first hand that no matter how adament your h is about a divorce, he can change his mind. My h actually had divorce papers drawn up a month and half after meeting the ow. At this same time, he was moving 3 hours away to be with ow. He claims that he didn't move because of her. That was 5 months ago and he has not done anything else with the divorce. He has come around a lot in the last 2 months, and we are starting to spend a little more time together, and I think that we are actually starting to enjoy one another again. We are seriously discussing trying to work things out, but he took such drastic measures when he left, it is very hard to even try to work on our R. He is also still involved with ow, but I believe that their relationship is fading fast. Their relationship has been going on over 7 months, so I think all the newness and promises are not panning out. I am starting to look much better to him, and he knows that he screwed up. He got himself into a bad situation and he is having a terrible time trying to get himself out. I keep stressing to him that he needs to do something if he doesn't want to get divorced. I even asked him if he wanted me to file for divorce and he said no.

I think that we have the toughest job. We are supposed to be friendly with our h's even when they are talking about ow. My h very seldom talks about her and always talks in "I" when I ask him about what he has been doing. He does complain about her sometimes and he says you shouldn't have to listen to this. It actually makes me feel good when he complains about her. I have this picture of them having this ideal life together. I think that it is really far from ideal. My h is miserable, but not miserable enough to turn into a great man.

My only advice is to be friendly and nice, but don't let him walk all over you. My h has said that it was easy to be mad at me when I was bitter, but now that I am understanding, he is having a terrible time. Kill them with kindness.

I wasn't sure if you had a previous thread. How long has this been going on?