Thanks, Lou, and thank you all for your notes of encouragement and concern. A bit of an update:

First of all, my Dad had a blessed and wonderful 80th birthday. The weather forecast in Chicago as late as a rainy Saturday was for 60% chance of rain and thunderstorms on Sunday, his birthday, but the big day arrived with clear-blue skies, the temperatures rose to a low-humidity, sunny 75 degrees, and the event itself was perfect. A great slide show put together by my SIL (with a little music consulting help from yours truly, "Mr. Song Lyrics" himself, of course, who chose a Dolly Parton and a Cat Stevens cut), great food, and just warm and loving company.

My dad was truly honored. We spent the next day driving up to Milwaukee, where my sister had rented a tour bus that we all hopped on, and my dad, his brother and my mom sat up front and reminisced over the microphone/PA system while we drove the neighborhoods where he grew up, the houses he lived in, the places he worked, where he met my mom, etc. It was really cool.

My marriage is thus:

I have confronted my wife, and am working thru the process with NOP and trying to shine a light, a path, for my wife back to our marriage. While she is physically still at home, she is emotionally somewhere else, the dopamine in her confused brain firing off (or do the synapses fire off? I always get that confused \:\) ) and she's refusing to end all contact with OM.

I am working the plan, while being loving, kind and respectful, and expecting my daughters to do the same do the best of their ability. They are HURT, and understandably upset with their mother, and it's killing Mrs. Choc. to see them angry and distant.

But actions have consequences.

I'm not posting much, so as to keep things simple (not "easy" by any stretch, but "simple") as, emotionally, I have moments when I'm a wreck.

But then God strengthens.

I have a wonderful, wonderful support group with my parents and siblings, and NOP has been a blessing. I feel like I have a former catburgler teaching me how to burgle-proof my house, and an AA sponsor available to me 24/7, and a wise but firm older brother, all wrapped into one.

So far, every reaction has been predictable, and everything has followed the script, something that really amazes me. I was in denial for awhile, until confronted with the painful evidence. Turns out D20 and D18 both already knew/suspected, independently of each other, and both afraid to tell me.

Sad.

But I am learning to grow, and learning to set (and enforce) boundaries that will serve me well if not in this marriage, then in my next relationship, and I'm learning to "fall in like" again with the man in the mirror.

He waren't lookin' too attractive before. Emotional cowardice is never very attractive.

I thank you all for your words of encouragement and support. Please don't be insulted in any way for my lack of advice solicitation on here; even my sibling group I've narrowed down for sake of clarity and my own sanity.

I want my wife back, and not this alien who has invaded her beautiful, but cold, body. I want her for me, for our family, sure, but mostly I just want her back PERIOD. This one looks too sad and confused.

Chocolateeyes