JR, that is exactly my sitch with H. We were rolling along just fine and then I find out he has been super passive and lost his own ideas and individuality in the process! BAM, H wants to separate with no discussion, no second chances, no warning...it still blows my mind how he thought that approach was easier than just talking to me about his feelings but it happened and we have gotten some issues straightened out.
I will look up that Cunningham guy's info. Mars and Venus also opened up my eyes to just how different we are, even though we seem like the male/female version of one another. H is a different person than I had thought because we had morphed into a partial version of our selves since we were both compromising too much for the M. Thanks for replying!
I am still pondering it all Jazz...it is like months of SLOW progress and then this lease expiration seems to be coming up too quickly. I will talk to him just not yet...maybe he will crack first?!?! Wishful thinking? Maybe, but it still means I don't have to confront this rigth now.
So, don't beat yourself up because other people APPEAR to have great marriages, you don't know, and there could be a SEA of turmoil under the glossy exterior. Worry about yourself and getting yourself right, God will take care of the rest. Believe it, live it, be happy.
So, don't beat yourself up because other people APPEAR to have great marriages, you don't know, and there could be a SEA of turmoil under the glossy exterior. Worry about yourself and getting yourself right, God will take care of the rest. Believe it, live it, be happy.
That is all definitely true! Thanks again
S4N, the above quote describes my marriage to a T. Everyone thought we were this beacon of marital bliss and partnership. Even we bought into it for a long time. But from Feb 06 to Oct 06 the cards all came down.
If we really want to love, we must learn how to forgive. - Mother Theresa
It is strange because this morning I woke up so incredibly depressed. Not sure why really, maybe I feel like I let myself down a bit yesterday. Last night H and I went to see Pirates...
Side note: Everybody says it is SO long but I loved it! Hours of Johnny Depp...how could I complain?!
The night went fine we chatted a bit at the apartment and then went to the theatre. On the way there we laughed about my driving, talked about saving up for a cruise and what we did at work that day. The cruise thing came about because I mentioned that I wanted to go somewhere like Napa Valley...I meaning me. H then said he would rather we go on the Carnival cruise to Cabo...we meaning he and I. So I asked if he wanted us to start saving for that and he said yes. After the movie we grabbed some McDs and took it back to the apartment, where I feel like I was a little too huggy. Having sex a few weeks back has made holding that stuff back really hard but I was doing ok until that moment.
My post on the Piecing board has gotten a couple responses and to update: I will bring up the lease expiring to H when I feel the moment is right. H usually makes some reference to our future and I was going to use that to transition into my lease issue. Well, he said that if he got stationed somewhere like where my sister and her H were stationed that he worried I would get bored (it was Kansas, of course I would be bored but I would have my M so who the hell really cares!). I didn't feel like that was the right moment. Like the DR book says, it is about timing and doing things when spouses will be most receptive.
We were both tired from being up late the previous night for different reasons (H could not sleep and I was having this lease frustration weighing in on my thoughts). Since we both had to pay rent this paycheck, I asked if he we could go to dinner when he got paid. He quickly said yes but I hope he is not going to think I am attacking him if I use that time to ask him about the lease. I think if he thought I planned it out like that then he would get pissed, feel cornered, and not be very receptive...now I am regretting asking, in case that evening does spark the opportunity to talk!
True Jazz, very true but he may not have realized the possible subject until a while later. I just don't want to do more of the same behavior. I used to "corner" him by waiting until he got home from work or when we were in bed to discuss things.
I am trying to run myself through the gauntlet of emotions so I don't break down when we do talk about it. Considering I am tearing up now just thinking about it...I am not ready!
When I cry H gets really uncomfortable and it makes me look needy. Honestly I cry when I am angry, mad, lonely...I am a chick and trust me, it is frustrating to be an emotional being
