Why do these things happen

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I know I should just ask, but it sounds wierd in my head to ask to go to a funeral. Also, even though I have been behaving myself, any time I ask about doing anything, which is far and few between, she just shuts down 90% of the time. I think if I ask her instead of seeing if she asks me to come, she will do her normal thing and think I am just trying to get back in her life and she will just push away like normal.
Now realize this, with the little things she has done and said, I have the utmost hope and belief at this time that we will be back together one day.I just don't want to F*** up, especially during this time of mourning for her.