I feel I've had enough

[kaydeekay]

Update:

Since April, H has been coming around the house a lot more. Before H would go a month or two before stopping by. Now, he has been at the house at least once a week.

After our last sexual encounter back in March I sent him a text message saying that I couldn't be in his life unless he was going to me in mine. After that I didn't hear from H for a couple of weeks. Then one day I was home from work and H called my cell. I didn't answer it because I didn't know what to say. The next thing I knew there was a knock on my door. It was H and he looked depressed, tired, had empty eyes. I stood at the doorway and greeted him with a smile and asked "Hey, what's up?" H was expecting me to let him in but I didn't. H said that he just came by to say Hi and left. After he left I just sat on the couch and cried. I wanted to so much hold him in my arms but I felt I needed to show him tough love.

A few days after that he came by the house to store somethig in my garage and left (I was not home at the time). He then began to drop by the house at least once a week to see D13 and had very little to say to me.

On May 2 H called me at work to ask if I had a particular DVD. I told him that I didn't think I did but he could stop by the house to check. H asked if I could meet him there so I did. H looked for the DVD but I didn't have it. He didn't look too hard. Well, H gave me a hug good-bye and started kissing me on my neck. He said "You know what always happens when we start doing this?" Unfortunately I had my cycle and told him so. H was okay with that and left. I texted him immediately and said I could perform on him H calls back and asked if I was okay with that and I told him I was. Now comes the stinger: H says "You know this doesn't mean anything, right?" I said right. H came back to the house and I did what I said I would do.

Now when H comes by the house to see D13 or give me child support we end up having s@x. He has even gone as far as to drive from his work (15 miles one way) during lunch to my house for a little roll in the hay.

H shows a little more interest in the home again. H has offered to fix the weed eater, commented on the yard and flowers, I see him noticing new things in the house. H has even asked D17 a question. They haven't talked in over a year and they once were very close. He has told me what he had done over Memorial Day weekend and asked about mine weekend. Noticed I was still watching the same program I had always watched and commented with a smile "You haven't changed."

Some say having s@x with the WAS is some kind of reconnecting. I'm trying not to analyze that too much. My fear is that I don't want to become his f*ck buddy