MC, OC here again. First, just want to say I think you are doing GREAT!!! I really think your W is turning around. I can see signs the same with my h. Yes, right now W is crazy and confused. But deep inside, she knows what is the right thing to do. The truth has not surfaced yet. I remember h was STONE COLD towards me in the beginning. Slowly, very slowly, little things changed. To give you an example, when the A with OW was at its peak, he even likes the kind of food she likes. They think alike, she is "fun, fit, soul-mate", the whole lot. Then SLOWLY, slowly, he starts to like the "old type of food" again. Also slowly, "oh no, our behavior was quite different from mine". "well, she can't even cook". This comes very slowly, and don't ever ask. It will have to come from her, when she is ready. I can see lots of positive in yours. But it's not time for her to commit yet. I think at this point, she is thinking you are not so "bad" as initially thought. But she is still deciding. Just remember, she will retreat and be "mean" to you every so often. Just expect that to happen so you can handle it better. Chat later.
M 38, H 38, two sons Met 20 years ago Married 13 years Bomb: Oct, 2006 DB: Started in Dec, 2006 H moved out for 3 weeks in Mar, 2007 H back home and piecing?
I also have problem expressing my feelings and I believe I did not care for h so much before. So for me, the 180 is showing more affection, which I think is also one thing that your W complains about. Instead of going dark, I try to be more proactive and initiate more outings. You have to be VERY CAREFUL here though not to push.
As you know, this is exactly where I'm coming from too. It's a fine line between pursuing and being too distant. I have been initiating things w/H as well and he has commented that he has noticed. Your W doesn't seem to be pushing you away either but you still want her to long for a little more MC. I think you are doing great striking that balance.
Very wise words from OC - choose the way in which you extend your invitation. Don't make them all "dates" but some more more casual, spur of the moment, invitations.
I plan to lay low as far as contact with her goes for a few days. Am I ok to ask her out to a movie Sat? There is a movie coming out that we both think will be funny.
Is the pursuing more how I handle our encounters or is it volume of encounters?
I think you should try being 'unavailable' for a whole week.
See if she pursues YOU. Remember, we want what we can't have.
Other than our contacts regarding the kids, it will be a week. I mentioned to her doing something like a movie Sat night in an e-mail, so I will see what she does.
One of my 180s Frank is that I never took the initiative to plan any outings for us. I am sort of content to sit around or hang out at home and watch the idiot box.
The two theories contradict, so I am trying to float the idea, and then let her follow through if she wants to go.
Smiling and waving.
Me: 44 S: 17 and 7 Final-6-13-08 I once went to a psychic who told me I would soon feel cheated......
mcojh “One of my 180s Frank is that I never took the initiative to plan any outings for us. I am sort of content to sit around or hang out at home and watch the idiot box. “
Same with me. This was one of my W complaints she always made the plans. So I have started doing it. Be careful not to take anything too personal. Sometimes when they lose control of making the plans they complain. My W wanted me to buy tickets to a movie said “anytime between 12 & 2. I bought the tickets for 12 came home she was all pissed she wanted to go at 1 I told her If she wanted to go at 1:00 she should have said so. I got the tickets they are for 12:00 it’s only $6.50. I am going at 12:00 with our son. If she wants to stay home that’s fine no big deal. (She went). They say be careful what you wish for, Ya might get it. She wanted ME to make the plans fine. Stay strong and Smile and wave it drives them crazy. Wait they already are crazy.
Husband
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
One of my 180s Frank is that I never took the initiative to plan any outings for us. I am sort of content to sit around or hang out at home and watch the idiot box.
The two theories contradict, so I am trying to float the idea, and then let her follow through if she wants to go.
I understand, what I'm thinking is you become a little less responsive than you have been. Kind of give her a chance to miss her interactions with you.
Believe it or not, I am trying that. Today for instance, S6 called me from CW's house to tell me he wanted to go hunting with me this afternoon. Anyone out there who hunts knows what a joy it is to have a 6 yo with you when trying to call a turkey in. Anyway, when he was talking, I heard CW say that she wanted the phone. He was still talking and when he got done, I said goodbye and hung up. In the past, I would have had him put her on.
Later, CW called to say that she was dropping off some of S6's stuff. Normally, this could have been done later or she could have just stopped by. She came by and I took the bag from her and talked for only a second and said good bye and have a good day. With the kids, it is hard to totally be less responsive, but I am trying.
I fought the urge to ask her about Sat night. She hasn't replied to my e-mail, and I won't ask again......
Man this is hard today.
Me: 44 S: 17 and 7 Final-6-13-08 I once went to a psychic who told me I would soon feel cheated......
I don't know how long I can keep this up. I am really struggling today. The lying and the adultery are starting to make me wonder if this M is worth the fight any more. Maybe it is because I have had too much quiet time to think, but I am really wondering if I should fight any longer. I am getting tired of the gamesmanship and the work involved in salvaging our R. The thing that I really need is the intimate connection on a regular basis. When we "date" I get this need fulfilled, but it is a need I neeed fulfilled. CW is getting all the love and affection she needs, tonight I am with the boys and she has all the time in the world to be with the OM.
CW's cousin called me tonight because she can't get ahold of CW, and CW won't call her back. She knows the sitch etc. She asked if anything has changed, and I almost lost it when she told me that her and her husband were proud to know me because of what I am doing. I am going to lose it soon, I don't know how long I can keep it together.
Me: 44 S: 17 and 7 Final-6-13-08 I once went to a psychic who told me I would soon feel cheated......
I know where you arecomming from with the " thing that I really need is the intimate connection" that is where I am at also. I can't imaginne tho whatyou are going thru with your W andthe OM. My W is home with me, we are "just room mates" but she is home so I guess i'm thankful for that.
"tonight I am with the boys" Hey play some games with them. Even tho my son is only 10 he is my best friend right now. He is the reason I am still try. Enjoy your boys now while you can.
Husband
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
The lying and the adultery are starting to make me wonder if this M is worth the fight any more.
Is she still carrying on with OM? I got the impression it wasn't going on as much as before - she was spending more time with you.
If she IS still being adulterous the you SHOULD go dark on her. She's in the 'having your cake and eat it too ' mode.
Don't let her treat you with disrespect. If you have to , tell her it's unrealistic for her to think she can screw around and still expect you to be her 'friend'. You can be 'friendly' but not 'friends'.
