This guy sounds great!!!! Your H needs someone who will not let him avoid as far as therapists go. As for the homework, be prepared for your H to put this off as long as possible...you may still have to be the one, when it comes down to crunch time, for now to be the one to say "remember our homework? Feel like that massage or shower now?"
Our MC gave us plenty of homework like that, my H would ALWAYS put it off. #1 because it was so uncomfortable for him, & #2 because he doesn't like ANYONE telling him what he needs/has to do.
I'm glad you both really like this guy, that's so very important...and I can only imagine that it felt so good to have the fact that YOU have been suffering validated in front of your H.
I'm so glad you guys are on your way!! Now tell us, besides the huge name that you can't remember, what this guy is saying Mr. Hey may have besides M/W.
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
He told us, before our next appointment: (1) take a shower together (2) give each other a massage (15 minutes each side) but no touching the genitals
WHAT!!! Who is this guy, what's his number, where's his office???? You lucky little devil you. Wow, a shower AND a massage. I'm touching my computer screen right now hoping a little Karma will rub off. Nice going kid!
Love,
COG
My Story http://www.divorcebusting.com/forum...&Number=660444&page=2#Post660444
I know what you mean GEL, my H is also one to avoid. On the way home I asked him if he wanted to set the date for our homework now, since he works nights, I work days and its a little difficult to schedule. He said we can talk about that later. I said we could but it would up to him to bring it up. I can't let it go more than a day or two though because the only time we would be able to have that much time, uninterrupted and guaranteed would be on the weekend
We also ran into another scenario yesterday that upset me, to some degree. He is still dealing with a court matter regarding the accident we had almost 4 years ago. That is why he had to go to the city where OW lives 4-5 weeks ago and we all know about that mess
Well, his lawyer sent him an email saying defence counsel wanted to discover him (which they have the right to do, to ask questions, with his lawyer present) and I was thinking "here we go again". But H said, "frig that, I'm not going there again, if they want to discover me, they can come here" - which he has a right to demand. That made me feel MUCH better for sure
Heywyre
M - 57 H - 65 1st A-bomb - Nov 27/02 2nd A-bomb - Dec 13/06 together 21 years *************************** Insanity is doing something over and over and expecting different results (Albert Einstein)
There will probably come a time when he will have to go to mediation too, between now and October. He has already said he doesn't care how much it will cost, he doesn't want to go there for that either and he will pay the extra for his lawyer to come here.
That, in itself, makes me feel a whole lot better
Heywyre
M - 57 H - 65 1st A-bomb - Nov 27/02 2nd A-bomb - Dec 13/06 together 21 years *************************** Insanity is doing something over and over and expecting different results (Albert Einstein)
There are "rules" we have to adhere to when we are at his office:
(1) we ALWAYS go together - no separate appointments (2) we can't touch each other (3) we aren't to roll our eyes, make faces nothing, while the other person is talking (4) we are NOT to interrupt or put in comments when the other person is talking
ST says this is a major problem with people in counselling and when someone is trying to express what they feel, it totally throws them off and rarely will they return to that "moment"
But he said we did really well, even though he didn't tell us about the "rules" until the end of the session - sheesh! - but he doesn't think it will be a problem with us because he said we are "very considerate" of each other when they are talking.
One of the things ST talked about with H was "fantasies" and I could tell that really put H in an uncomfortable place. He immediately started talking about orgees, multiple partners, gay and "weird" sex and said he didn't agree with it AT ALL!!! ST zeroed in on that and probed quite deeply about his "fear" regarding sex. They must have talked about 15-20 minutes just about that.
At one point, and this is a little off subject, ST told about a time he was giving a lecture at a local university (which is a theological university by the way) and he said "when ML, 80% of people say they fantasize about having sex with someone else and the other 20% are lying" - you can imagine the response he got from that one - LOL
I don't know how much of that is true but I guess both H and I are repressed because I don't fantasize about someone else, and neither does he (so he says).
H got into the whole "disrespect" of having sex with his wife etc. and ST thought this to be quite interesting and dug deeper and I am sure will continue to as we go along.
ST said he likes to get to the root of problems quickly and deal with them so be prepared for him being "very aggressive"
Sounds good to me !!
Heywyre
M - 57 H - 65 1st A-bomb - Nov 27/02 2nd A-bomb - Dec 13/06 together 21 years *************************** Insanity is doing something over and over and expecting different results (Albert Einstein)
Thanks for sharing so many details of your ST appointment. I'm following along with interest. And about the ST not telling you the "rules" until after first session, I'm sure he was just looking for a baseline of interactions between the two of you. Sounds like ST will be one of the best steps you could take right now. LFL
Wow, a shower AND a massage. I'm touching my computer screen right now hoping a little Karma will rub off. 
Nice going kid!
yes I am one VERY happy camper right now. 
Absolutely, make them come to him.