CF- 1. The reconnect as friends was all my W would hold out hope for - just accept it, ask her (and observe the unsaid) on how you can be a better friend. At no point in time do you focus on how she can be a better friend to you - sucks, but if you want this, just do it. 2. It is a great positive that she wants to do things together - no R talk, no what all you are doing talk, just go with the flow and enjoy the moment. 3. She is right on about the marriage - agree wholeheartedly and mean it. You don't want the old marriage either. 4. She says you were not loving and supportive - agree to it (read Michele's book) and ask how you can be better and follow through. Don't let her waste her energy on getting into an argument with you - she will perceive that as you negating her. 5. The neediness - my wife said the same thing "You need me but you don't love me" whenever I would say "I love you". Just ignore it and keep moving. 6. Your wants are not important at this time - you are trying to listen to her and empathize with her. Steer clear of your wants talk. 7. Read "The Anger Trap" by Les Carter and the "Getting back together" besides "Divorce Remedy" - all three of them helped me a lot. 8. Listen to what she has to say about the patriarch thing - if you want this to work, you need to understand her expectations (not fair, but you've got to do it if you want this) don't impose your ideas on her and don't talk about being a patriarch. Just understand her expectations and live up to them - she will notice. 9. If the topic of the old marriage comes up, be clear that it is dead - you don't want it either. Don't bring it up on your own. 10. Right now, I don't think you want to be giving her your expectations, listen to hers and act on them (I bet, in 6 weeks, she will be asking you about yours).
