I’m not upset with you, never really was. But I can’t just let this statement go unaddressed:
I tried to give up and you kept asking me to give you an example of where you continue to push. So I turned Beotch. I'm good at it, when I want to be.
I thought giving up, like not fighting, or not getting angry, deciding to be happy, or whatever you as a person decides to do, is solely up to you and not someone else? You sound a little like Heather when she says she can’t drop the power plays because her H won’t drop the power plays. You couldn’t give up because I wouldn’t give up? Pleeeeze! And that’s your excuse to turn beotch? Try running that one past your therapist and see how far it flies.
As for my pushing my point, well I know that I so at times. But I also know that on those occasions when I have pushed, I did clearly see a major issue and if that issue were to ever be resolved, the path would have to pass through that particular doorway I was seeing. There is no other way. Perhaps the person was not ready to confront that fact or thought there was a side door that could address the problem, or at least put a bandage over it, but that is all it was – a bandage.
In fact, the harder someone pushes back, I see it as more confirmation that the idea is true (though some people will “push back” by shutting down or running). Everyone here could do well to learn that one lesson – if a person becomes reactive to a statement, then dig into that statement because something is festering there. You may not know what it is. It may turn out to be something completely unexpected, but that issue will worm its way back to affect the relationship, one way or another. I believe this is true of everyone on this board, and I mean EVERYONE. So how much push is too much push?
I actually agree with a lot of what you're saying. I tend to "push" too. But I tend to push once, or twice, and if the person I'm pushing seems to resist or disagree I stop. First of all, because I may be right, but the "time" for him or her to walk through that particular door way I so clearly see is less than optimal. They may simply not be ready. Some things need to go around and around in circles for years before the person says "I want to do something else now". I pushed Cemar probably as had as I've pushed anyone, but only as long as he kept responding. Now that his thread is locked and he doesn't seem to want to start a new one I'm quite happy to agree with Corri that apparently he does need to keep hitting his headache against a wall.
The other reason I stop after a push or three is that I may be wrong. It has happened.
