Not much has changed with respect to my H, he is going "full speed ahead" with this OW. She told him yesterday that she brought him a promise ring...3 weeks meeting, basically it represents she will wait for him.
What a crock of S*^&
Then the next thing, she had the nerve to tell him that she wants to give him something I wouldn't, she wants to give him the son he always wanted!
A bit of background, I have a son, I was very young when I had him, and he is not biologically my H's, and is austistic. My son is not cabaple of a quote "normal" relationship.
I was destroyed by that comment.
I have been trying to be there to support him. It is just so damn hard. I feel like, as long as she is not available by phone or on line, then he will come talk to me.
It is hard when he calls me and says he needs to talk, and askes me to come over, and then I do and then she either calls or shows up on line and I am forgotten.
I feel like....second place, like I don't matter.
Last night was awful for me. Needless to say walking in on your H when he is MB to another womans picture, and talking to her on-line is not an easy thing, and was quite embarrasing for me as well.
This morning I woke up and got ready for work. I was just about to leave when he woke up and asked why I was leaving so early. I told him that I needed to. He sat there and said, I need to talk to you about something and apologize, please do not leave..
Stupid me, I stayed...
Only to hear how wonderful this other woman is, and no apology for whatever he was going to apologize for.
He "needed" to talk, and if I left, then I would have abandoned him. Ironic, he can do the same to me whenever he likes, but I do it and I am the bad guy. He asked me how it made me feel when I walked in on him last night, I told him, won't elaborate here, and I actually DIDN'T get angry (that is a big step for me)and all he could yell was "last night wasn't about you, it was about me. You have not changed in the least." and of course the typical "we are done, there is no more chances between us. There is no more us, you threw that away."
I can accept the fact we are done, as trust me I have not been at all good to him in this marriage. My affairs, my treatment of him, all of it.
But then, when I don't talk to him, he says it hurts him that I will not say how I am feeling, that I will not talk to him. This morning I just said, in a calm voice..
"Does it really matter? You have said we have no future and H and W, but as friends. So as my friend I am telling you I can not talk to you about how or what I am feeling."
Then he says, why can't you just be happy for me that I have found my dream, and that it makes me happy.
I responded, I am happy that you have finally found what you are looking for, I am happy for you, but it is still difficult to be happy for me at the same time, because of how I feel.
I left after that.
First thing I need to do tonight is go home, and get my sons things moved to my new place. Unfortunately that requires my H's help because I can not move the furniture on my own. So we will see how that goes.
Then I need to stop going over. Stop calling for a while, stop e-mailing, I need to do that for my own sanity. Chasing and wanting him at this point is pointless and useless.
I am in the midle of scheduling a councelling appointment. I have found a councellor that seems to be more focused on short term councelling ang coming up with strategies and solutions in dealing with problems. We shall see how that pans out.
Ok enough of the novel.
New very short term goal for today - not to initiate contact with H. This is going to be a very long, hard day
Comments are always welcome, even if they are to slap a 2 X 4 over my head to get me to wake up
