Still looking. Only been out of work a month though. Figure it'll take two to three to find the right fit.
Originally Posted By: MyWifeHasGoneCrazy
My wife started wearing her wedding ring set again.
Wow! There's got to be something significant to that (darned if I know what it is, though). I sure understand why you "don't even feel like talking about it right now".
Originally Posted By: I_Wanna_Make_It_Work
I haven't seen an update on your W filing. Did she not have to take some action soon or recently re: D?
According to my attorney, the courts in my county hold an open divorce case for six months. Supposedly, at five months, the court notifies the parties that they have 30 days to request a court date or the case will be dismissed. At the end of six months, if no court date has been requested or set, the case is then dismissed by default.
The five month mark passed in March and the six month mark in April. I'm now fast approaching the seven month mark and there has been no notification from the court. Could be that they're overloaded or behind schedule...I have no way of knowing. Theoretically, notice could arrive at any time. Like everything else in my life, I wait. I'm so sick of waiting for everyone and everything that I could scream...but I don't.
Note to God: I think I've got the patience thing down now. Can we move on to something else...please?!?
Here's an update: I ordered my credit report and found out that my WAH is behind on his car payment. Unfortunately, I'm also on the car note. I'm trying to rebuild my credit...we filed for bankruptcy in 2005. I don't need this now! My therapist told me that the majority of couples who file for bankruptcy get divorced!
Is my H the only one who can remove me from his car note? Can I request it through my divorce decree?
I spoke to my WAH sometime last week. He told me that he quit his job (again). I think he also quit school. I told him to do the noble thing and relinquish his rights to my 401K and retirement...not the best thing to tell him, but he brought it up first. He was complaining to me (again) that our divorce is just dragging on. He once told me that when he was a kid, he contemplated suicide. I hope he doesn't do anything foolish.
All my best, alamogirl
Me - 48 (at time of 1st bomb) H - 43 married - 16 Jul 94 no children 1st bomb - (said he was leaving) - 3 Jun 06 2nd bomb (said he was ready to file) - 10 Nov 06 H filed divorce - 17 Nov 06 Divorce finalized - 20 Jul 07
If the papers have been filed, then I believe you are somewhat protected finanically by the courts from your WAH from ruining your credit. He is probably the only one that can take you off the note, but I would seriously speak with a D Attorney about your situation.
Sorry that I could not be more help. Hope things get better!
CIAZ M 7/97 S 5/05 D 8/06 Both 33 years old No kids
I was surprised to receive a response to the letter I sent my WAW. It was over four pages in small type so at least she put some effort into it. Sadly, it was mostly a loss. Some blaming me, some rehash of old problems (real and imagined), and a laundry list of things she feels she needs/deserves.
Unfortunately, I can't meet the requirements of the list (in fact, the expectation is so high I'm not certain there is a man alive who could). As a result, there is nothing to save. Expectations of that kind are impossible to fight and I could kill myself trying over the next ten years with no hope of ever reaching the bar.
I won't bore everyone with the details (and, frankly, I'm too exhausted to do it anyway right now). It's a very sad thing, but I've got no winning position. As the Gambler said, "You got to know when to hold 'em and know when to fold 'em". I held 'em for the seven months I promised myself. Now that I know what my WAW expects and that there is no way I can measure up, it's time to fold 'em.
Yes, the papers have been filed and our divorce is imminent. I do plan to ask my lawyer about it. Thanks for replying :-).
Hi OldFool,
I'm sorry to hear about your situation. You seemed to be so close to reconciliation...I had hoped that for you.
It feels so weird e-mailing my WAH about divorce. I remember his daily "Good Morning Wife" e-mails...how I looked forward to them. I still can't believe that everything just came to a screeching halt.
All my best, alamogirl
Me - 48 (at time of 1st bomb) H - 43 married - 16 Jul 94 no children 1st bomb - (said he was leaving) - 3 Jun 06 2nd bomb (said he was ready to file) - 10 Nov 06 H filed divorce - 17 Nov 06 Divorce finalized - 20 Jul 07
It feels so weird e-mailing my WAH about divorce. I remember his daily "Good Morning Wife" e-mails...how I looked forward to them. I still can't believe that everything just came to a screeching halt.
I sure understand where you're at. Met with STBXW tonight to go over details of the split. Going through the things in our life and deciding once and for all who gets what parts was nearly more than I could bear. I understand that she does not want me and I understand that she doesn't share the same core values anymore...but it still hurts like #^&(*@.
So much loss, hurt, pain, and sadness. I had much to do tonight, but ended up just sitting like a lump on the couch, staring at the TV without really paying attention to it, and occasionally crying like a child who's had his teddy bear taken away. I'll be fine tomorrow, but for tonight, I'm giving myself permission to wallow a bit .
When we finally have to sign papers, I just hope I don't fall completely apart. Sorry your sitch is just as crappy as mine. You have my deepest sympathies.
OF - So sorry to hear the latest. There's no advice to offer that would comfort you. Just please take care of yourself. I'm not hearing the fat lady yet. I pray she doesn't make it to the stage.
Me - 43 and She -36. No kids. Married 7 yrs - Together 14 yrs
IWMIW: Thanks. If you're not hearing the fat lady, maybe your hearing aids need a tune-up. So far as I can tell, she's finished warming up, has exited her dressing room, and is on her way to the stage. At the current pace, the D should be final about a year after the bomb. Wouldn't it be ironic if our D was final the same day we got married?
As I said before, I don't know that we have the same goals in life anymore and while I grieve for the loss of our relationship, I can't really say, intellectually, that we can be together successfully. From what she says, I believe she is searching for happiness in doing or possessing certain things. I believe that kind of search is unending and fruitless because happiness is a choice...something that comes from inside...not something you do or get. It's also a journey I'm unwilling to take so if she is bound and determined to pursue it, it will have to be alone.
All: I figured I'd let myself feel bad last night and be better today. And for the most part, I am. But shaking the blues is proving much more difficult this time...I don't know why.
It's a full moon tonight and my STBXW and I used to go outside, hold each other, and stare at it...just like we did on our honeymoon (which also happened to be under a full moon). Looking at it now just brings the loss into such stark relief.
.