Well, the board is kinda slow today, so I guess I'll do an update of sorts.
Bridget, thanks for the visits and the well wishes. Anytime you're in the neighborhood, feel free to drop in, always glad to have ya and I keep a warm pot of coffee on at all times...
Things are going well. In June, it will be a year since we started "trying" to piece our M together. Recently, it has been very clear that we both want to stay in this M, but we both still have fears of ghosts of years past creeping back, fear of old patterns returning ... not that they are now, but the fear is still there and it can get uncomfortable.
For me, this fear is the fuel I use to continue to seek to keep the positives going that maintain we continue to draw closer together, but I wonder if that is the proper source to substain my motivation. How can one be so fearful, yet achieve peace of mind that all is and will be well?
Too deep? Well, I probably should journal here what I had already mentioned on Jethro's thread as it is an important discovery towards what works towards drawing us closer together ... How to go about "asking for what you want".
Don't ask for what you want directly (as in, "If you would do...) , for it will be preceived as an expectation for them to deliver upon, whether they want to or not. A mechanism of pressure, that can be preceived as control / trapping, which can lead to feelings of guilt or anger ... frustration for not being recognized / appreciated for what they feel is their way of giving ... and of coarse, this impact us in a negative way as well, as we don't receive validation for something we have asked for.
Instead, express what you want as choice they are free to make of their own accord - "if I received A or B, this is how I would feel".
Utterly summed it up nicely, so I will use his words:
"Give them the information they need to make their own decisions without having to mindread."
I'll cut it off here as I don't want to get to long-winded here.
