Thanks Andy & Jethro for the input. It did help alot.
Andy, somehow I kinda expected you would say something along those lines, it validated pretty much the direction I felt I should take, now to figure out how to put it into practice. You know, for nine months now, when I come home from work every day, I've still have the impulse to look at her finger to see if her wedding ring is still there ... Go figure?!...
To start with, I got the insurance authorization yesterday and gave the info so she can make the appointment.
Jethro, as I had said she has a nasty cold, so we didn't quite get into it as much as I wanted to, but her cold is still running its coarse, so I suspect she will make her appointment for sometime next week. This will hopefully allow for some oppurtunity of talk about it some more... I do want to ask her what it is she is looking for in these sessions? Does she just need a sounding board, validation or is she seeking advise or solutions?
Ah! Putting into practice what you know (intellectually) you have to do.
The age old problem.
Heck! For all I know, my W is trying to figure out how she can D me.
Am I serenely letting it all happen? Yeah. Kinda. I don't know what happened to me, but the whole idea - which would formerly have me in a panic - doesn't.
Oh yeah. It bothers me. I think about it all the time. But I don't know why it hasn't put me in a funk.
I guess my point is that ya just do what ya have to do, KAW.
Not sure if I'd ask to talk about her counseling. It's still kinda like prying, and you may not like what you hear anyway.
The thing is, KAW. If her C tells her stuff that you disagree with, you'll feel even more insecure, and you'll convey the impression to your W that you're still trying to control her feelings.
Talking things out is good. Talking things out while your W hasn't figured things out is bad.
Not sure if I'm making sense, KAW. What I'm trying to get at is that if you discuss something that her C has said - and particularly if it's something you disagree with - when she's still trying to figure out if she agrees with her C or not, you could push the balance in the wrong direction.
Glad to hear about your communication with your w, and happy she wants to go to c..I agree with Andy..you can't control who she goes to..and I don't think I would ask her what is being discussed..but you could try to get her to talk about the visits, knowing if she holds back then you need to back off. Does she agree with you that this c is not too marriage oriented? It is sad to think that a trained c would not try to save marriages..but they must be out there..hope you have a great week.
Quoting hoping: It is sad to think that a trained c would not try to save marriages..but they must be out there..hope you have a great week.
The problem is that just because someone is a trained C, doesn’t mean they’re trained in marriage/couples counseling. Counseling has evolved but unfortunately, most counselors are geared towards individual counseling. The emphasis is on how a relationship serves the individual. Even more unfortunate is the attitude that still seems to be prevalent that if a relationship doesn’t serve you, you should get out of it.
If you have Adobe Acrobat reader, have a look at this:
But as scary as all of this might be, I stick to my guns about letting your SO decide. You have to give him/her credit for some intelligence, and if you work on your side of the relationship, it takes ammo away from the anti-M arsenal. And I think that even an untrained C who isn’t exactly pro-M will have a more balanced view than if your W starts venting to friends and relatives.
Hi Sue,
It was never my intention to ask about what she will talk about in C. I do respect she wants to work on her issue and its her choice on whether or not to share them with me or someone else. In general, I was wondering if she would tell what she hopes to get out of these sessions. Is she looking for advise, solutions, just somebody to only listen, what?
Quoting Andy: Even more unfortunate is the attitude that still seems to be prevalent that if a relationship doesn’t serve you, you should get out of it.
Yep, that hit the nail on the head here!!! Nothing about working towards changing the R ... cut your loses and run. Sorry, I have a very negative bias against CSW's. At the same time, mine was trying to convince me to preceed with legal actions against W in order not to get burned. When I realized C wasn't going to help me towards trying to save my M, I stopped going and started seaching for self-help. That's when I learned about Michelle's book.
Well if this weekend continues going like yesterday, I'll have a very good weekend ... lotsa cuddles, that is ... between the sneezes and sniffles.
Hey Jethro ... thanks for the bump. Not much to report. W is recovery from cold, so I been trying to help out a little more while she doesn't feel so good. Trying to ignore that barometer so I can keep upbeat and it seems to be working. At the same time, I keeping an eye to see if there are changes in the winds as a result of last week's discusions. There's been some, so that helps validate some of my expressed concerns ... so it seems we both working now to find the balance ... so far ... so good ...
I like your barometer analogy. It's kind of like when the barometric pressure swings one way, we put on extra layers for protection, but when it swings the other way, we put on our swimsuits!
Nothing new yet. I haven't seen anything on the calendar and she hasn't mentioned anything further. I think she's waiting until she gets her head cleared first ... from the cold that is.
Go figure?!...
Nothing about working towards changing the R ... cut your loses and run. Sorry, I have a very negative bias against CSW's. At the same time, mine was trying to convince me to preceed with legal actions against W in order not to get burned. When I realized C wasn't going to help me towards trying to save my M, I stopped going and started seaching for self-help. That's when I learned about Michelle's book.
