You probably won’t like what I’m going to say, but please consider it.
The only 180 that’s left for you to do is to become secure in your W’s commitment to your M. In order to become secure, you have to act As-if you’re secure. This is a BIG DB challenge.
It kinda goes back to what I posted to you a coupla weeks ago. You don’t trust her to make up her own mind about things. You worry that she’ll be influenced to do the wrong thing by a bad C.
I’m not saying you don’t have anything to worry about. If she’s depressed, she could be susceptible to bad influences. But you can’t control any outside influences on her. You can only affect the influence you have on her.
It appears that you have control (via the insurance forms) over whether or not she sees this C. IMHO, you should not exercise control in this matter or any other. As hard as it is, you have to allow her to control her own destiny. Otherwise, she’ll feel controlled and manipulated by you.
It takes a leap of faith, but it’s only by setting her free that you can draw her back.
I’m not quite sure about the context of the “wrapped around her pinky” comment, but I’d go ahead and let her wrap you. It’s gonna take a long time for her to let go of her feelings of neglect. I don’t believe she’s trying to punish you, but in her mind, she’s kept score, and you have a lot of catching up to do. The only way you can catch up is to throw away your own scorecard and never look at it again.
Support her as unconditionally as you can. Hey. Nobody’s perfect, and it ain’t easy getting over those feelings of being taken advantage of, but if you don’t do it, your W won’t either.
