You won’t be hearing much from me. I’m mostly staying off the boards. Frankly, I don’t know what possessed me to lurk a little, but when I did, I stumbled onto your latest post and couldn’t resist butting in. You and I are very much in the same place.
How’re things with me? As I mentioned, my W brought up divorce for the first time ever. She went on to tell me that she doesn’t know how she feels about me, and also told me some of the things that she’s trying to come to terms with vis-à-vis how I wronged her.
My response was simply that I love her, and would honestly answer any questions that she might have about my feelings and intentions.
That was two weeks ago, and we haven’t spoken of it since.
Quoting KAW: I'm beginning to wonder if she will ever be comfortable enough to talk to me on this level and that hurts!!! To knew that for whatever reason, she can't share her inner most feelings & thoughts with me.
Sorry, my friend, but maybe she never will. I have serious doubts about my own W’s abilities in that area.
But I’ve come to the conclusion that there is no way I can influence her to confide in me. I made the offer, and it’s now completely out of my hands.
Right now she doesn’t trust you enough to share her feelings. Yeah. It hurts. I know exactly how you feel, KAW. Believe me!
But you have to learn to trust her too. If you keep thinking that her feelings are a product of depression, you’re basically invalidating her feelings. If she feels that you don’t value her feelings, she’ll never tell you about them. If you were in her shoes, would you?
You have to respect her feelings, and trust her judgement before she’ll reciperocate.
Quoting KAW: Last night after she said she needed to work it out for herself, I stopped asking questions, but still let it be known that I was not happy with her decision. The only times she has opened up is when it is her intension to do so. I have yet to find any thing that works to influence her that she can confide in me when she feels like she can't.
That’s exactly what I’m talking about. Stop looking, KAW. Just let her do what she has to do, and trust her.
Scary, but IMHO, essential.
Sorry this post isn't much of a boost, KAW, but perhaps it's the change of strategy you need.
