I was beginning to wonder if it was me that was holding us back by not trying to completely let go of what occurred last year. I began to feel that by visiting this BB nearly daily, I was in a sense picking at the scab. So I decided to go on hiatus from here for a while. (I do have to admit to lurking occasionally.) It seemed to be working until last night.
I had just tucked our DD to bed and was working on cataloging my photographs on the computer, when I needed to look at a map that was in our bedroom. When I walked in there was W journaling. (As I have mentioned, she only journals when she feels her worst.) I went over and held her in my arms and she broke down into tears. I gently asked what was wrong. She said she didn't want to talk about it. I told her I was worried and concerned for her. Then she tried to brush it off. Saying she had to work some things out herself. WAW flashed across my mind! I said, that was very reminiscent of what she said last year, then I asked if this was related. She gave a short no and remained quiet. (Now thoughts of OM are running thru my head.) I asked directly, does she feel we are in touble again. See said no again, then added, "Its me. I just need some time to work some things out that's all." Que: Don't press anymore. So I let it go, but she could tell I was not comfortable with that. She kissed me a couple of times to try to make me feel better, but I told her it really didn't help. So I left the room.
At bedtime, I told her it really hurts that she still feels she can't confide in me. She replied simply, "I just don't want to talk." So that was it. This morning before we parted for work, it was tense and distant, but I kept my mouth shut and tried to play it cool.
So nine months of "piecing" and I feel like I'm right back in the hole! The one major obstacle that always kept us from getting closer is still there. She won't talk to me about what really bothers her. I'm no closer than before to to finding my way around this one. If anyone has any suggestions, I'm all ears.
Sorry I haven't posted much to other's threads. Its just I don't seem to be lost without any answers, so don't feel I could be of much help to others now. Sorry to be such a downer, but this feels like a major backslide after so much rebuilding. Are we still rebuilding now? How can we as long as the old walls remain standing?
The one major obstacle that always kept us from getting closer is still there. She won't talk to me about what really bothers her. I'm no closer than before to to finding my way around this one. If anyone has any suggestions, I'm all ears.
