Well I kind of caved and didn't go dark. I replied to her email, using some of the things/techniques I have learned here. She views my getting an std test talking to GP, talking to my mom, kids as retaliation, against her. In fact I did not consider her feelings, as I was so darn emotional. Sure maybe I wasn't thinking clearly, but my thoughts were not to hurt her. Besides she's already had an EA, that my daughter discovered, given up on counseling twice, she should have been thinking of the possible ramifications of a PA should it be discovered.
She implies that her unhappiness was to do with me. Maybe I could have been better, but we had just came back from an incredible trip to Mexico, which was very loving, a lot of fun. I had musicians serenade her at dinner one night. I think that she had blinders on. She has gone through about 3 plastic surgeries, and I think seeks verification of that beauty from other men. (I told her that she doesn't have to do that for me to think that she's beautiful)
Anyway I answered her email saying that if she wants OM then she has to decide that (don't let me stop you) and just not pretend that she wants to be with me, if she does not, or is unhappy. So she has C tonight, I told her to try and start working on that, then we can move forward once she decides her path.
She commented, that she was faithful for 22 years, and doesn't that count for something? I told her that (and this is honest) if someone told me just as we met, that I would be together with her for 31 years and most of them great years, amazing years, but the last 3 would be turmoil and emotional hell, would I do it again? I said to her, and say to you, that YES I would do it again. Even knowing that D is so close to what I want right now.
I guess what I am saying, I could never live with the hurt again, that I have lived through twice in 3 years. At this time i really want to close this chapter in my life and move to another book. I don't know if that makes sense?
IS 49 W 47 S 21 D 19 S 16 M 24y Together 31y EA Mar04-May 06 PA Feb06-Jun06 EA May07 Bomb Dec 28 07
Footfalls echo in the memory, down the passage which we did not take, towards the door we never opened Into the rose-garden. T. S. Eliot
