Thanks for that thought-provoking feedback Fearless.

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Okay a few comments and questions: you say you feel ashamed/wrong/dirty/whatever about expressing yourself sexually. Does your H "make" you feel that way? If so, what does he do to make you feel that way? Could you let him know that he "makes" you feel ashamed/whatever when he does or says certain things? He may have no idea that certain reactions/actions of his "cause" you to feel ashamed. If he does not make you feel that way, what in your background would "make" you feel that?

Let me correct you and say I don't feel ashamed/wrong/dirty about my sexuality. I have sensed my H thinks that way though. But he has come a long way in reducing his inhibitions. We have made pretty good progress considering where we used to be. I don't think he realizes that he comes off so inhibited at times. To him, it is just "normal" sexuality. To me, it seems "inhibited." Just depends on perspective I guess. Neither one of us had parents/families that discussed sexuality at all but we still turned out very different in that aspect.
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Also is it possible that you like the take charge style because it deflects away from your perceived feeling of shame/whatever because now the man now "owns" the responsibility for the dirty/wrong/whatever sexual activity?

No, I don't think that is it. But I do think it is kind of "odd." Even the om who acted most of this out with me commented once that he didn't know any women who really liked it that much. He seemed to enjoy it too but he probably thought I was a little freaky or something. Who knows. I'm just speculating.
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My point being that if you knew WHAT feeling was underneath the restraint that excited you, then you could share THAT information with your husband and let HIM figure out how to get that feeling for you in his own way. I have NO idea why you want this but let's guess that maybe it makes you feel incredibly desired as if your H MUST have you this minute.

It probably does have a lot to do with feeling desired. I know that is what was lacking in my M with my H so I'm sure I sought that out when I was S. And the aggressiveness was an obvious way to "see" that without having to get to the emotional/verbal "I love you", "I want you" stuff. Actions spoke louder than words I guess.
But like I said, H and I are getting better at the Actions and not just the Words. So that is progress. I know these are my own issues to deal with, especially my desire to have that level of sexual assertiveness that may not always be possible in a M that is going on 12 years and many bumps in the road.
We shall see how it goes.
LFL