Cool! Good for you! I guess your dad and H do that a lot less now that they don't get a reaction out of you, right?
Yes, exactly. I've learned that cowering down and retreating into my shell for fear of further reaction from my father has done me no favors over the years, but you know what? I wasn't taught to do anything else either, I was taught to cower down, shut up, and keep my opinion to myself....until the last 10 years. It's only been the last three years or so that I've learned to lovingly detach and stand up for myself that way. My H is NOWHERE near as bad as my father, my H just goes immediately on the defensive. My father has an EXPLOSIVE temper.
There are many things I used to think I would want to confront my father about, but I've decided to let many of the things go. Why? Because after one very long conversation with my father one time I realized, he had no idea he was affecting me the way he was...what he was doing was unintentional. He did the best he could by me, and overall I give the man high scores as a Dad, with just a few failing grades for temper related issues. The only thing I've really ever confronted him about (and I'm glad I did because it was insightful) was about how he treats my mother and I so differently from other people.
When it would come to my mother and I, my dad had no room for our opinions. Basically what we said didn't matter and he would nit-pick at my mother. I always knew my father loved my mother, but I didn't like how he'd bully us basically. As I became an adult it become much more apparant and I had to say something to him about how he would treat us...and particularily how he would speak to my mother. When I finally had the conversation with my dad we were on the phone for TWO HOURS, my father was literally speechless a few times. He honestly had no idea, or at least that's what he said, perhaps it just really hit home to hear me say those things out loud to him.
Ever since though I've learned not to tolerate it when he treats me like that (which sometimes he just slips back into old habits) and I "lovingly detach" and don't take it. It's so worth it for me to do that, not only for me...but to see that look of pride on my mother's face when I don't tolerate it.
