JJ, I was too busy cross-posting to notice you massage on Friday. I regret I haven't yet read any about your sitch, so I hadn't realized you too are coping with a depressed spouse. I'm sorry to hear you seem as much in the "dark" as I am. I certainly can relate and agree to much of what you said.

This time around, I have learned how not to contribute to her dispair by being much more available, supportive and affectionate so she doesn't feel so alone. It seems to be making some difference, but I wonder if it is enough? I really don't think so. Now that she decided to stay in the M, I see her settling back into some of her old attitudes and I don't know what I can do to change the pattern?

My W believes there is some magic pill that will cure this, especially for her panic attacks, but I been surfing the net to get a better understanding and show her there is more she might be able to do for herself. I been focusing primarily on diet, because she really doesn't eat well balance meals and she is diabetic too, so that must contribute much to how she feels. She just started this month taking a multi-vitiam after I started three months ago. Slowly she starting to do things for herself, but I have to emphazise slooowwwlee.

She had been postponing since September some of the tests the doctors have been wanting her to take. She basically gang them all together last Monday, then asked if I go with her, so I took the day off from work. Now we wait for the results. Finally, we took one step closer. She has been searching for a new psychiatrist since December, because she doesn't feel the one she is seeing now is helping her any, plus he is 40 miles away. There are only two others that are closer that participate in our insurance plan, but she has yet to make a decision and move forward on this.

What exactly is the "shock treatment" you've done for those quality of life boundries you mentioned? My W has expressed frequently of late her fear that I would leave her because of her condition. Never in the last eight years since she has been diagnosed with depression have I ever thought of leaving her because of it ... now after fighting to save the marriage from her independance streak and A, she would think I would leave because of a relapse of a medical condition? I've told her countless times that I take the vow "...for better or for worse..." to heart. Boy she has certainly tested me on the for worse part and she is still not convinced.

Lots like I turned this into another vent ... oh well. JJ, anytime you feel the need to vent, you're welcome to do it here. Maybe together we can figure some of this out...

Quoting jethro:
Honestly, KAW, is your R not yet in a place where you can just say these things to her? Like what you wrote to LL in your last post? I mean, I know she might try and not "go there" because it's painful for her too, but c'mon, you have a right to know her thoughts given your past, don't you? Why can't you "insist" a bit more?

Exactly how do you insist to a shrug of a shoulder or just a cold shoulder? I use to insist, which is why I know that is a cheeseless tunnel that ends with her getting angry with me. So how do I insist and get different results? I've been struggling with this one for a long time...

'til later,
KAW