Journaling after a long time. Things seem to be going better, there is a lot of "us" talk, still, not much physical contact, but no displays of anger. She calls me more and stays on the phone longer - I think I am starting to get a better hang of this "listening" thing! I think both of us are in a better place, and we have a lot of work to do, but I am grateful for the start. I am still undecided on where to go for counseling and would appreciate any pointers others might have. I want to make sure that this time around, we work hard and consistently on the R, other times, it has been the kids, extended family and our R always took the backseat and I am hell bent on making sure we don't repeat those mistakes again - not sure if our R can take one more of these separations..
I guess I can safely say my D is busted. My W is planning to join me (this was the absolute shocker folks) and I am excited beyond measure. I was resigned to commuting and was helping her look at houses to move into etc., and I guess there is clear confirmation of what loving detachment and lack of pressure can do. Her decision to join me was made completely by her and took me by absolute surprise. I am still in somewhat of an excited state, but this time around, I understand the lessons learnt and am going to try and be extra supportive. I know that she is scared and that is (unlike the past) not directed at me. I just need to listen to her and provide support. I have to extend a heartfelt thank you to the many people on these boards, some who have written words of advice to me, but also the many that share their sitches and thoughts on the various threads around here - I drew a lot of inspiration from those.
My one message back to everyone is - if I can do it, so can you. I still remember the dark and dire moments between November and early March, times when I was ready to throw in the towel - but for those of you out there that still want to try, what Michelle and Co say is true - you will end up with a stronger marriage at the end of it. I know that I think about how my wife would be affected by every little decision even before I think of the repercussions for myself, and she even commented on that (you are really getting it and trying aren't you), and is reciprocating. I feel we are getting to be the closest we have been in our 8 years of marriage..
I am so happy to hear your encouraging story. It truly the inspiration and reminder that I need today (and probably many days to come until I get what I need to be doing through my thick head). Thanks for sharing. Best wishes for you and your W.
