Well I'm home now and my W's asleep when I got here, so I guess I have the time for a more detailed response.
So Jethro, some more detail to your inquiry about whether I can ask her. There have been a few times recently were I tried to encourage her to open up by asking how things are going with us or what's she thinking about?, but it doesn't get very far and she ends it by trying to assure me "It has nothing to do with you." However I don't take much comfort in that because a year ago, she wanted to seperate and pursue a R with OM and she told me THAT had nothing to do with me either." I still haven't quite figured that one out and doubt she will ever explain it to me.
LL,
It wasn't so much that she had a secret that upset me as it was her question, "Can't I have any of those?" (Talk about a loaded question?!)
While I don't expect to tell me everything she's doing, let's examine some the secrets she did have last year...and some of this ties into above as well:
Why she was unhappy with the marriage...
Why she was unhappy with her life...
... that she felt lonely ...
... that she felt that I was depressed ...
... that she developed an EA with someone at work ...
(she didn't keep PA a secret because she felt that would be the sure-fire way for me to grant her the D she wanted then.)
So back to her question ... "Secrets, can't I have of any of those?" Well, if they are the kind like above, the answer is NO! ... as they are detrimental to our M.
Well I better stop, I haven't gotten this worked up in a loooooonnnng time and I hear some stirring going on. Don't want to confront her feeling like this.
'til later,
KAW
P.S. I'm goiing to have to check out the marriagebuilders.com site Zebra has mentioned.
However I don't take much comfort in that because a year ago, she wanted to seperate and pursue a R with OM and she told me THAT had nothing to do with me either." 
I still haven't quite figured that one out and doubt she will ever explain it to me. 
