I have to say that I really feel for you when it comes to dealing with your W's depression. I'm in the same sitch most of the time, and the most effective ways of how to handle it is a constantly moving target for me.
For each individual "episode", there seems to be a different set, and different varieties of ways, for "US" to work our way through it. (Emphasis on US, because the fall-out to the depressed person's partner can be devastating, as you well know).
Of all the things that I have to do, the "get a life", and "act as if" techniques are the most valuable. These things help me to not get too wrapped up into my wife's gloom as she's working through her despair, and helps to give her a solid foundation to lean upon.
Walking on eggshells just seem to help feed her "little dark man", and make her feelings of worthlessness grow even stronger. Even though I do put in some extra effort on being a care-taker, I try not to take over the whole load.
"Going dark" seems to push her further into the abyss, also. She admitted to me when we got back together, that all the times she insisted that I just leave her alone, to not come home and stay out and have fun, she told me the wrong thing to do.
There has also been times when I've had to give her a "short, sharp, shock", and let her know that I can't spend the rest of my life like this, and something needs to be done about it. Setting the boundaries on the quality of our life together.
KAW, if YOU had some answers for ME, I'd just LOVE to hear them! I'm still searching for the answers myself. I, personally, don't believe in medication being the sole answer. In my situation, I've seen some BETTER results with the meds, but it still doesn't help to take care of the underlying problems.
P.S. I'm not quite sure if I was helping you here, just venting, or maybe just letting you know that you're not alone!
JJ
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