You handled that brilliantly! What a stupid childish act on her part to hide the phone when SHE told you to call the repairman.
Yes, and if I hadn't been thinking clearly, I would have pointed that out, and it wouldn't have done any good. Neither argument nor apology nor retaliation does any good at the time. Loving detachment is the only effective way I've found so far.
I have never been able to keep my wits about me when anyone went off on me like that before. I spent much of my life hiding from people because I was so terrified of them going off on me like that. And I wasted a lot of years not doing things that I should have been doing with my life because I was afraid of people catching a mistake or seeing me drop the ball and going off on me like that.
Hell, it took me a few days to get back on this thread because it was so hard for me to force myself to read a bunch of anonymous messages criticizing me over the trainer issue. (Thank y'all for responding anyway... it's valuable data and I need to be able to evaluate it dispassionately and use it!)
Maybe I'll really be okay after all. The love of my life went off on me, I know why she did it, I know how to react to it, and no one came away afterwards feeling hurt or resentful or worthless or impatient or unhappy in any way. Actually, I kind of feel like George McFly did after he knocked out Biff. (Now if I can win an actual fistfight (for the first time ever) I think I'll be unstoppable).
I'll know I'm really onto something when I'm not sure I'm in the right in the apparent issue at hand and I still keep my wits about me and refuse to accept that treatment from someone even when I think they may be in the right! Just because I'm wrong doesn't mean I'm useless, incompetent, or unwanted, or that I deserve anyone treating me that way.
Originally Posted By: Greeneyedlass
Heck next time she tries a childish stunt like that...spank her and tell her "that's what bad girls get."
You didn't tolerate her uncalled for behavior, and you didn't allow her to dictate to you what you should do...and then berate you for it. Keep this up and she's going to learn she cannot behave this way with you.
Oh, I'm definitely going to keep it up. So many things are falling into place... I haven't felt like this since college, with so many mysterious things suddenly making perfect sense after the prof fills in some missing concepts. These are the lessons that went right over my head in school, the ones that the teachers never got around to mentioning. (I'm still wondering how most of humanity seems to grasp a lot of it without apparent effort. Are they born with some sort of social instinct?)
Yes, she was childish. As you see in a previous post, I may still be making excuses for her because I'm crazy about her. And I suspect she does the same for me to some extent. But it is unusual behavior these days and most of the time she adds immensely to my happiness (she doesn't MAKE me happy, but life is still a lot sweeter most of the time with her around). I'll definitely keep her!
a fine and enviable madness, this delusion that all questions have answers, and nothing is beyond the reach of a strong left arm.
