IMP - I responded to you on Hope's thread....hope you read that as well.
Truly, we don't know what MLC is. I think almost all of what I read here fits. As well as the experience of former MLCers - fits well. Also, the criteria of my H's childhood is no stretch.
I do understand using MLC as an excuse for your M going wrong. As I said, it took me a LONG time to come to that conclusion.
I will say that nothing speaks more powerfully that true change within. Just this morning, I thanked God, that even though I felt that I had suffered a lot the last 2 years, I had not stopped changing myself and realizing the things I had done to contribute to the demise of my M. I STILL (even with lots of anger) can think of many times when my H was patient, kind and still beyond words. That's why I try with him and not ditch at the first transgression. I remember a LOT of what I did, and why it was wrong.
I don't blame my H for having misgivings about our M, or thinking it may not work, or beign sick of me. I just asked that he give it a chance, as he promised he would when we took our vows. That we could work through it, and in my opinion, we could have.
But, life goes on. And, it's in MY hands that my life goes on WELL.
Beyond the craziness, it is my H's choice to want to leave the M and me. That hurts, but it's the truth. Maybe he's not handling this part of his life well, and just wants out and does it in a way that is not the best.
I often believe this, and don't want to delude myeslf with MLC diagnosis if that is not so. Or, I don't want to believe in MLC to delude myself that I married a great guy who never will be something I think he can be.
As I said, it took me a LONG time to come to conclusions that there was something "extra" going on with H. I tried to see him as normal for so long, and actually spent a lot of time amplifying my own transgressions to meet his behaviors.
However, there came a time when I just couldn't overlook certain really freaky things. The wild spending - when he was so frugal. Driving a dumpy, gas-guzzling truck - when he wanted something a lot different. Moving in a homeless family with a criminal record into the house (his former patient) 1 week after I left (he was eventually evicted because of them). Temper tantrums at work, to the point where he is subtly being asked to leave. Not living in a stable home base. This is the doozy: seeing images, visions, hearing voices...to the point that he was not sleeping in his home for months. Borrowing cars b/c his truck is "broken". Flatly making up events and telling lies about me and twisting reality and events. Mood swings - wild ups and downs.
He was not a liar, not a cheat, was diplomatic and kind. His lies are with everyone, not just me. I only started suspecting something was going on when others said the same.
I'm not here to reiterate my story, that makes me nauseas enough.
Just that there are some bizarre behaviors that speak to more. I agree that there are cases where people DO need to hear that it's not quite MLC....or maybe something more.
Truth and knowledge are always power. And, if you are here to give us some of that during a hard time, we welcome it. Delusion never did anyone good.
