IT'S HAPPENING ALL OVER AGAIN!!!!!!!!

[MariS]

RGM,

Not forgetting about you...drop a line when you can.

I too am not on the BB every day now. Needing to focus on second job, child, family & myself.

Sending you your regular dose of "Atta Boys."

[RGM]

Replying to All and some catching up.

As you can see it's been a while since my last post, business travel, work, trying to be there for the boys, little left for self. So much has gone on, but no change in the path.

I found out W actually contacted her L while I was out of town on a business trip, some three weeks before our last MC. It coincided w/ a phone call I made while traveling. While I was out of town I had seen on a news station that home was getting hit w/ very severe weather and tornadoes. I called to find out how F was doing. Took this as being critical of her abilities and called her L office that night.

Anyway I got served back on 5/21. W's already turned in her parenting plan. She's offering me 1 night a week and every other weekend. Also wants me to pay her L fees. She's more wacked than I thought she was. I've already had my first meeting w/ my L. I've got a bad feeling this is going to be one of those really nasty D.

W is supposedly moving into an Appt. this next week. She's acting like it's some big secret. W shows up late for something or doesn't show @ all then tells me she had an errand to run. She's been out buying stuff for the appt. S3 is always happy to volunteer what he and M have been doing.

S8 is starting to have problems. He's been going to his school counselor when ever he feels down. He's been going 3 or 4 time/week.

W is doing everything she can to "sway" Ss to her. Before, she would allow minimal TV, sweets, unruliness. You know all the things kids want. Now, it unlimited TV, candy and ice cream for dessert every night and the kids can do no wrong. So I have to be the bad guy and say no. She portrayed the S and her appt. as a vacation home w/ new bunk beds and bicycles for them.

I'm through w/ the attempts to work on things for the M and R. There is no attempt of DB. The hatred has set in towards this woman for destroying 15 yrs of R and the F that Ss deserve. W priorities are most important. All else is sacrificed to accommodate. W will make S3 ride around in soiled underware for 3 hours b/c she had things to do.

As for self, not much to say. Not doing a whole lot. Not really any time. Spending as much as possible w/ Ss to make sure they feel most important. Working on other things as time available. GP wanting to help as much as they can. Wanting to spend time w/ boys or help me out if possible. Tired, just very tired. Wishing all was already over and realizing it's only just started. Certain times, when normally would have some alone time w/ W, no one around. Becomes very lonely. Anniversary coming up 6/3. Would have been 12 yrs. W couldn't even remember date. When she filed the paperwork, she listed date as 6/5. I guess this tells me how much she really cared about it-not much. Tryng to think what I can do to have something planned to keep spirits up. Have a hard time deciding to try to work on self. Should be spending time w/ Ss.

[cherrishher]

Hang in there RGM,

Life's not so bad on the other side! Focus on you and your kids - it's all you can do. Hell, it's all you ever could have done!

Stay strong, old friend.

[runningoutoftime]

I'm so sorry RGM, but unfortunately I know women who are similar to your wife. Sadly, there's a lot of selfish people and some just don't grow out of that. Hang in there...

[RGM]

Well things are all ready starting to get nasty. W told S8 last night that I was trying to keep boys from her. She tells him this while she's tucking them him into bed. I really like to know how you can work that into a goodnight conversation. Neadless to say, when S8 asked me about this I about went through the roof. I was able to finish tucking him into bed. Closed his door, went down to W room & had a "disussion". She's now making all kinds of accusations about me being verbally abusive, and trying to keep the kids from her. She has turned into a total head case. This is just about like last summer when W tells S8 she's going to have to have his dog put down b/c she's not able to find a townhome that will allow dogs. There's nothing I can do about it except keep telling the boys I L them and try to assure them nothing like that will happen.

After I tucked Ss into bed, S3 tells me he wants to sleep in my bed. He's turned into the little snuggler. The only problem. He likes to wake up @ 2am and play. He gets so cute when does this. "Pssst, Daddy are you awake? I luv you" Not only that, I wake up @ 3 and S8 has come in to sleep in bed also. What a great way to start a morning. Both boys wanted to curl up extra close this morning. It was smiles and lots of hugs all around

Needless to say, I'm afraid things are going to start ratcheting up several notches. I'm sure the L can just hear the caching, caching.

[BeingMe]

It's good that you have been posting here, so that you can reference all this later, if needed in court. Have you thought about getting full custody? I would, because it looks like you are the saner parent, not involving your kids in the mess. Your boys sound like real cuties! I am sure they love their mother, and are probably torn by what is happening. I hope she wakes up enough to realise that you can't be trying to turn them against their dad, no matter how much she thinks she's right. It's not fair on them, and they will resent her for it one day.

I am glad you had that 'discussion' with her because it showed her that you are aware of what she is doing, and that there are boundaries you will not allow crossed without comment. Sounds like if anyone is verbally abusive, it's her.

Take care and keep up the good work.

[RGM]

BeingMe,
Unfortunately, the state of Missouri doesnt' believe in full or sole custody. The state believes in co-parenting in all aspects. Short of documented physical, sexual or substance abuse, the state feels that both parents should be fully envolved in all parenting decisions. My only consideration is to try to show some form of mental defect. Unfortunately, the state also doesn't see depression, bi-polar or immature MLC as mental defect. It's also not what I want. She is their mother. I want them to be able to be w/ her. I just don't want her to be able to make any decisions for them. She has shown she doesn't have their best interest @ heart. I know they're going to resent her. I feel sorry for her. I feel more sorry for them though. As they grow up and are better able to understand what has happened and what she has done, I think they'll resent her more and more. They'll see how truly selfish she is/was. They'll realize more what she took away from them. She won't be able fool S3 by buying him a new bike and bunk beds. She enjoys loneliness but why does she think they will. W told me several times over the last yr & half, she's more comfortable being alone than w/ others. She'd just as soon sit in a dark, quiet room and read a book then be w/ others. She never figured she'd marry or have kids she so deperately wanted. Now she's not going to be married and she'll have kids, to make as wacked out as she and her brothers are. All introverts, antisocial and anti-establishment. Just like her D. Unfortunately, she's never been able to realize what responsibility there is to having children. So what she wants is to have a part time family, do the fun things when she wants, then she can send them on their merry way or bide her time until it's time for me to pick them up. She doesn't care that their life style will have to change. She doesn't care if their lives will be in constant turmoil. She just wants what she feels she is owed.

As far as my post go, I don't think any of this would ever be admissable in any court hearing. It would all be "he said, she said" type of stuff. No witnesses, on proof. The only thing I've got would be character witnesses, or friends that have seen some of her antics. I don't want to bring them in to this and I don't want them to have to decide to between friends.

[BeingMe]

Well, journalling here will help you remember circumstances, and events, if needed. But, of course, it helps getting it off your chest, and that helps you, in the long run.

On a personal note ... I used to live in Missouri ... St. Louis to be exact. I really loved the area, although extremely humid in summer. Phew! My D26 graduated from high school there, met and married her husband there, first grand-daughter (I still can't believe I'm a grandma) was born there, and so we are still very connected to the city through her in-laws. Actually her H is being transferred to an air force base in Illinois, across the river from St. Louis, so I'll be visiting there often (although I'm going to try and avoid the summer months - ha!).

Anyway, take care of yourself ... just keep in mind, that this too will pass, and before you know it, the D will be through, and you will have moved on to happier times. In the depths of my despairing time, I never thought I would be in the place I am now, and yet I am, and so shall you, and all the other DB'ers on the forum.

[RGM]

BeingMe,

On a personal note ... I used to live in Missouri ... St. Louis to be exact.

I'm on the other side of the state, just outside of KC. And yes, it does get muggy-ALL YEAR ROUND!

Anyway, take care of yourself ... just keep in mind, that this too will pass, and before you know it, the D will be through, and you will have moved on to happier times. In the depths of my despairing time, I never thought I would be in the place I am now, and yet I am, and so shall you, and all the other DB'ers on the forum.

Thank you for the support. This is what I'm hoping for in the long run. I only pray my Ss can survive and live happy lives. They certainly deserve it. Only He will know it that is a possibility.


PEACE.

RGM

[MariS]

RGM,

I have been off the BB for awhile & I am sooo sorry to read that you were served and that W is behaving the way she is.

You are doing the best that you can and we are here to support you and your boys. They are great snugglers aren't they?

I think your L should request the boys stay w/you & W have the 1day/week & alternating weekends, since she is in the MLC & doesn't seem to have their best interest at heart.

Sending all the atta boys I can!