I wonder what that word even means. I don't know if I love h or if I did once have a childish infatuation with him and stayed because well as he always said "well go find someone better" perhaps I simply settled and accepted all the "things" that h promised and gave up on love a long time ago or maybe I stayed with h out of comfort and saftey not willing to take the risk on real love.
I am tired of trying to work on this r. I am tired of walking on eggshells with this man, i am tired of not knowing this man. I am tired of my life and I am tired of knowing full well that though a d may open my life to new things it will damage my children as well as h and I. I know that I can do anything I want to do (within reason and if it involves money with h's approval) and still stay married but what the hell kind of r is that??? there is no r between h and I. we should not have gotten married and that is the end of this story.
