Afterall..... This IS my life V

[heatherg]

Something that's confusing me.....I've been told several times by several people on the boards that I need to improve my boundaries and I feel this is true. That's supposed to be about ME, not H.
But everytime I try, people tell me that I need to soften up, become more vulnerable, not be confrontational, not threaten or intimidate or escalate, try to appeal to H in this way or that because he may be feeling this way or that. It's very frustrating.
Can someone please tell me how I can set a boundary that says 'you will not participate in a R with me if you treat me like crap and continue to make choices that go against the things I feel strongly about'. Because I am really trying for that message here....I'm not going to accept small gestures of love, affection, kindness, whatever you want to call it when just a few nights ago, he refused to let me sleep in my bed and told me if I did our R was over, he did not respond at all to my note that told him I loved him or any of my pleas to stop this nonsense, did not respond to my emotional reaction whereby I told him I was certain he did not love me, AND he lied to me about porn and carried on with it behind my back.
It's not ok folks!
I've been asking HOW to implement my boundaries for a long time. Short of walking away, can someone tell me how I'm supposed to implement any sort of boundary that H is going to give one crap about???