I think you have the right attitude about wanting to save the marriage while at the same time protecting yourself and your kids. My attitude was I was going to DB and "leave the door open" to my marriage up to the very end, while at the same time taking care of myself, the kids, working on me, healing, learning, GALing... trying to be positive and open to wherever the road led.

The other thing I did... I can't say this "works." But I chose to love and support my husband in spite of the fact I didn't think he was making the best choise (divorcing me, hurting the kids, affair, etc...). I didn't blame him. I decided this was someone I loved and cared about. We had a good life for many years, we have two great kids, and if he wants a different life I wouldn't want to hold him back. I wanted him to be happy and I let him know that. I think my husband found this very confusing. Here was a wife who loved him so much she could let him go, wish him happiness and still be there if he needed a friend! That's a real gift. It took him a long time to realize this was real and that he was going to lose something quite valuable (and I truly did wish him well... I had to. He was gone and hurling us as fast as he could towards finializing the divorce... by being bitter and angry I would have hurt any chances of reconciliation, and hindered my own healing).

Anyhow, at the same time, I also had the best lawyer (I'm related to a judge) and would never have allowed him to take advantage of me or the kids.

P.s. Have a great time at the gym!!!! Don't underestimate the magnetism of a hot bod!!!! LOL!!!!

There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.