I am glad you did not take offense for my comments...
Quoting lostlove: alot of the problem is not h but me, I am very insecure, always have been, so I am in constant question of everything and everyone.
I wanted to say that I admire your willingness to take responsibilities in the R. Many people did not realize that before they walked way. Yet, the way I saw your H is trying, mind you I should also commend him for his trying as you did, did not really speak your "love language". I think his love language was act of services, your primary languages seemed to be quality time and physical touch. There is a significant idiosyncracies between you two. It is a good thing that you appreciate his acts of service. But I wonder if that appreciation is enough for you in the long run.
During my C session yesterday, my W very specifically told me how she would like to be loved. It opened my eyes. Her love languages are also quality time and physical touch, but she needs them in very, very specific ways. Without my W's instructions and the C's encouragements to practice, I would never get it right even if I was told what to do. My way of hugging were just not enough. (Of course, my C's theory was that I was not observant enough of how my W showed affections; I am not contesting that as I am willing to take that part of responsibilities. But I did not appreciate my W's walk away without letting me know that I had to try... Oh well, enough me)
I guess my point is that there are many good things that have happened in your sitch that I envy. Your H is trying; you are appreciative of his trying. Both are very important in coping with your spouses as no one is going to speak exactly the same love laguages. But I am just not sure if that would be enough in the long run for both of you.
As for your concern for A, I see that is also a question of whether you feel loved enough in your R. It takes time to rebuild the trust, and feeling loved would help tremendously. I hear your pain and concerns, but it takes time and effort for both of you to find the right way to express loves to the other before this feelings would subside.
Just a couple of thoughts, LL. Again, not sure if I was on target or not, but just hope you can not only win your H back, but have a really happy and fulfilling M life... Something I am still dreaming of...
