I know she's tired of seeing me hurt and going back for more - but how will I know I am done trying. I am afraid I would never quit trying - it's not my nature...
I dunno how to word this as I have always said I am not very good at giving advice I am just really supportive.... NO need to give up or say yeah this is over for sure etc. etc. etc. Yes it is a pain that is indescribable. But what I think is to be the focus is to save you, to love you and be the best you you can be,, as hard as it is take the focus off him,,, give him space and work on you and rebuilding you. I used to feel just like you. And I dunno if I already posted this to you or not. But my focus was also so much on saving my M and helping my H and someone here told me ...I WILL NEVER FORGET IT!
FOCUS ON YOU, FOCUS ON SAVING YOURSELF AND IF YOU SAVE THE M IN THE PROCESS .....THAT IS THE ICING ON THE CAKE ....IF NOT WELL AT LEAST YOU WILl HAVE YOU AND YOU WILL BE STRONG!
Hard as that was to swallow for me it was so true. I was not worried @ me or that I had withered away to nothing and was smoking a pack a day.... and drinking coffee instead of eating. Even my H at the time told me please start eating and stop smoking. I used to be only a social smoker. I was sooooooooooo pissed.. how dare you tell me to take care of myself when all I want is you.. etc. etc. etc. I thought!!!!
You can do this sweetie you can rise above this and come out stronger regardless of the outcome and it does not mean you are a FAILURE... it means you are HUMAN!!!!!! WE cannot control others we can only control ourselves. And you my dear are a beautiful WOMAN who has the will to never give up just like I did,,, but what are you doing to save you? I too was just like you and still to this day fight the urge to be SUPER nice. There has to be time for you too,,, you have to love you too,, that Woman staring back at you in the mirror needs a lot of love right now and you are the only one who can give it to her. I too felt just like you and then decided to start loving me ,, didn't make the PAIN go away it just helped ease it some. It still work on this daily,,, to just love me with all my flaws. It is not easy but it can be done! And needs to be done for you! I hope I helped some.... just remember to love you. GOD bless...
