Howdy. Haven't posted to people as I have been in a funk.
May I offer a couple of thoughts? There is a possibility that you may have SAID very clearly what your needs are, but your H never HEARD what they are.
That was an enlightment I had in the C today with my W. I remember my W had said so many things to me about her dissatisfactions, but I never took them into my heart until now she walks out of the door. I thought I was a sensitive enough person, but when she said things like she did not like my dragging her around in dancing, she never heard me or felt me, I could never understood what she meant and what I can do to change them. So the communication did not break down on your side, but possibly on your H's side, either he willingly dismissed them, or he just did not realize how important these messages are.
So a couple of thoughts. Couple therapy? Maybe it is time to ask him again, if your H still wants to stay home. Tell him how unhappy you are, even though you appreciate his being home. This is a M both you and your H need to work on, after all.
Secondly, you may want to consider changing a C for you, if you don't want to spend $$ on the phone consultants. I am not sure if your C can really support your cause to work on your M. Trust me, there are plenty of C's out there that are either incompetent or unwilling to help you work on M. I had my personal experience interviewing numerous C's, and I can't tell you how badly I felt about many of the professionals out there. Until today I realized that how much a competent and willing C could change the world for me, and I wish I could find a way to have my previous MC revoked with her license. Even with the DB phone consultants, who I felt are generally pretty good by the way, you have to feel comfortable with their strategies and approaches, and more importantly, whether their helps are effective, before you continue to work with them. You can tell after a session or two. But the point is, you need to shop around and don't settle for the second best.
LL, I know how hard it is, and I have to say that I admire your willingness to work on your M, despite the frustrations. But, as you also know that M is a life-long effort, and if you are just trying to hold up now, no one can hold up for long enough over 10-20 years without feeling loved and they are still happily married. Many women became WAW. I don't think that is the path you want to go down, as you truly love your H. These WAW also love their H, but they tried for so long and they are tired of putting up with it anymore.
So, please, let's do something to help your H love you. Perhaps bring him to our DB get together so Jim, Chris and I can smack him with some 2x4 . Or, please try to find the help that can truly help you.
. Or, please try to find the help that can truly help you.