The night after I gave him his bed back, he bought bubble bath for me so I could take a bath in our new master bathroom....it was finished earlier that day and he said something about wanting me to take the first bath in our new tub. Like I want to step foot in that bathroom after he made it clear that I am not allowed in the bed. I completely ignored the gesture as I do not plan to take a bath in that tub anytime soon. At night, he comes over to where I am sleeping to tousle my hair. I pull away. Friday night he came out and slept on the couch next to me. Again, I ignored the gesture, although I thought it would be great if he continued to do that....if he acknowledged that he didn't belong in the bed either, I think we could make it past this last bed incident. But, it didn't last. He still tousled my hair last night and I still pulled away, but he will stop with that soon. And then we'll just be two people living in the same house. We are speaking amicably, we went out of town this past weekend for a graduation party for someone on his side of the family. That was fine.


Part of me feels guilty for not returning his gestures.


Heather,

You don't have to feel guilty for not wanting to return his gestures BECAUSE they don't feel "right" to you. I wonder if you feel like they are "rewards" for backing down and letting him get his way. A true loving gesture would be to acknowledge you.

BUT your H may or may not be feeling that. That's why it would help YOU and HIM to communicate exactly how you feel. Just try to do it in a way that focuses on the immediate issues and doesn't back him into a corner.

H,

I have pushed away your attempts to be nice - "wanting me to take the first bath, tousling my hair, sleeping beside me" - not because I don't love you or don't appreciate those attempts. It's just that I feel hurt and humiliated by your previous actions. It makes it hard to feel these attempts at closeness are genuine even though they might be.

heather

Just my off the cuff thought. Keep it focused on how YOU FEEL and not on his actions or his true feelings.

Good Luck



But what is happiness except the simple harmony between a man and the life he leads? ~Albert Camus