Sorry for your frustration. You are staring to sound like Belle...have you read her posts? She's a borderline WAW, but her H is a bit more belligerant than your H.
You know, I was reading the book "After the Affair" last night and it said that our Ses have to TOTALLY cut ALL contact with OP in order to get on with R because possibilities of continuing the A will exist (although it seems many people on this board that have been successful rebuilding their Rs have not had to totally resort to this). Now, I know that this might contradict some DBing efforts, but I think, in our situation, where our Ses are "back," that at some point they have to be willing to do what it takes to get on with our Rs. There's other stuff in this book that seems pretty relevant to our sitches. Without getting into the details, I think you ought to buy it...
Also, given your sitch, it seems like your H has been unwilling to do what it REALLY takes to fix, or rebuild, your R, which is hard work. (on a side note, my W hates it when I use the term "fix" in reference to our R) I think that, until he's fully focused on trying to fix your R, that things will continue as they are...either relatively stagnant or ever so slowly working his way back home. At some point our Ses should be willing to evaluate themselves and try and help our Rs. However, only you can decide when it's best to approach your H on this subject.
So, there are a few things you can do, from what I see. You can continue not really saying anything and him not say anything, and see if, over a goodly amount of time he comes around. Or, you can "push" (test boundaries) working on your R with him, whether it be spending time reading books and doing M exercises together, going to C, or something else. It certainly seems like you will be a WAW if this continues, and you will not live the rest of your life with your H. The signs are there...like systematically remember the negative aspects of the beginning of your R, rather than focusing on the good aspects. It might also be prudent to really document your goals and see if he really is coming around.
I'm sorry, LL. It just seems like you guys are in a holding pattern, and you need to shake it up and change the dynamic.
DISCLAIMER: I am basing things on my own experiences and am not encouraging anything one way or the other...just offering suggestions/thoughts. I don't want to be branded a heretic.
