LFL'S Next Thread

[fearless]

I decided to just go top with him because...well, I was really horny, lol, and I was in no mood for "nice" sex.
So I literally jumped on top of H while he was reading in bed and threw his book across the room.
The best part was that he proceeded to "flip" me is about 5 seconds and do some very perverted things to me.
I think my approach made him more aggressive himself so that was a win-win....
What came over him I'm not sure but I was rollin' with it.
We were both quite proud of our "performance" last night. It was nice just to be in the total same mindframe for once. Hooray for us!


"What came over him" was YOU!!

LFL,
Amazing, huh? YOU put out the vibe you were feeling and your H reacted to it. Does it make you wonder how much your H really can pick up from you??

I have been thinking about some of the things you have been writing. Here are the things that have stuck with me in your writings:

But I like a man to take charge. Hold me down, tug on my hair from behind, not to the point of pain, just clear restraint. H calls it "rape." I looked at him like he was nuts of course and said if it is something I WANT, it is hardly rape. He still disagrees and refuses to even go there.

Why can't I feel as much desire for my H as I do when I think of that OM grabbing my arm as I walk past him in the family room, throwing me over the side of the couch, and having his way with me, without saying a dammm word. That's not what a modern educated woman should like, right?

Although when it comes right down to it, I think it is all about me being able to express myself sexually without feeling ashamed/wrong/dirty/whatever….All I know is my sexuality is suppressed with H. That is the crux of the problem.

Okay a few comments and questions: you say you feel ashamed/wrong/dirty/whatever about expressing yourself sexually. Does your H "make" you feel that way? If so, what does he do to make you feel that way? Could you let him know that he "makes" you feel ashamed/whatever when he does or says certain things? He may have no idea that certain reactions/actions of his "cause" you to feel ashamed. If he does not make you feel that way, what in your background would "make" you feel that?

Also is it possible that you like the take charge style because it deflects away from your perceived feeling of shame/whatever because now the man now "owns" the responsibility for the dirty/wrong/whatever sexual activity?

I was talking to a friend about your situation. (Mostly I am seeing how everyone's situations here relate to my own life or others around me) Anyway, I told her that I wondered if you had ever explored WHY you want the take charge/ restraint/etc. type of behavior. My point being that if you knew WHAT feeling was underneath the restraint that excited you, then you could share THAT information with your husband and let HIM figure out how to get that feeling for you in his own way. I have NO idea why you want this but let's guess that maybe it makes you feel incredibly desired as if your H MUST have you this minute. So you could explain to you H that you want to feel intensely desired by him and who knows, he could come up with something better than you can even imagine. Or maybe as I guessed right earlier, if your H takes more charge then you feel more "womanly" and unashamed. If you tell him you want more aggression from him in order to feel more womanly and unashamed about sex, he might be much more inclined because he would be "CARING" and showing love for you by by taking charge. These are just guesses and I am sure there are many other possibilities.

I am just trying to take the focus off of the fact that you want him to do a, b or c and instead think about the fact that you want to FEEL x, y, or z when you are with him and let him know how you want to FEEL. Like I said he may think of things that are even better than you have thought of

Just some thoughts I have had about your sitch. Since you and your H definitely like, respect and love each other, it is hard for me to believe that everything else cannot be figured out!! I am an eternal optimist beneath my realism and occasional pessimistic thoughts!