look these are the facts that I must live with, h is not an alien, h is not in mlc, h is a man who met someone when he was 19 that he really liked even fell in love with but then he sunk himself into his business and neglected said person (me) because he didn't know any better, didn't know how to deal with a r and a business. I went to school, spent time with my friends etc... but h still sunk almost all of his energy into his business and neglected "us" though I tried and tried to get h to do things with me, spend qt together etc, it was most often met with indifference or annoyance..this is the way it went for years, I continued to feel like I didn't really matter, like I was just there, the vacations and promisses of "the good life" were great and all but where's the life? so the story goes, we marry, things don't really change, we have a child, things don't change cept h withdraws more and more occasionally comming around and giving me a taste of the man he used to be the reason I hung in there.. we build a home a promise of a good life of qt with "our" family.. conceive a second child to add to that family but all the while h is withdrawing more and more and why I'm asking... let's go see a movie or go out to dinner we won't be able to go out for a while once the baby is born and it is harder to get a sitter for two than for one...nothing...h comes home everynight but is tired and has little to offer...I see his family complaining about his lack of attention to me and to s. I start to defend h in that he works hard so we can have this nice life and this nice home that you come to visit (empty handed) each weekend for cookouts. start to accept that h is just "shut off" as a result of all the stress he is under from running said business. have second child and get a bit of post partem blues, esp since h doesn't take the time off we had talked about him taking off when we were conceiving. three months later h is seen in elevator with ow..confesses "friendship" we try... h is attentive but I am angry, hurt, resentful and have lot's of questions that h doesn't want to answer. h eventually leaves. plans to be with ow (but doesn't tell me) ow asks her h for d (known from ow as I was foolish enough to call her often as h wasn't talking to me) h returns eventually but even at his most emotional of times the most emotion he expresses is that he needs for s to be ok. h persues me. h eventually comes home everynight, puts ring that I left on cill back on but does not ask me to do the same.
does any of this matter???
to me it is simply proof of the fact that all these years I have not mattered.
when h did attend c with me (twice at beginging of sep) talked to c about the fact that all of h's focus was on his proffessional life, c asked ok that's in good order now what about the other parts of your life, h responds "i was waiting to be pulled out" guess what folks ow was that person.. the one who woke him up! and he admits to it.
I suppose none of it matters as long as the "important" things are taken care of...the house will be paid for and maintaned...the kids will be given love and affection and qt...I will be well provided for financially and that is that.
so suppose I should just shut up and accept my life.
