Thanks for your reply. Yes, 2 years is a long time. I have come a very long way in those years and am much more realistic about things now than I used to be when this first began.
I guess I was possibly looking for a small bit of hope left that my H was withdrawing from me due to all the guilt he feels but that this too, would pass and he'd eventually come to me to talk about all of this.
You are right. I know he is doing exactly what you said. He hates himself for what he has done and he feels guilt. Back in the winter one of his texts to me was this: "I'm sorry for what I did to you. But I can't live with the guilt." To me, at the time he was saying he did not want to be with me because it's too much of a reminder. That's why he felt it was easier to move on with someone else (i.e., someone he hadn't cheated on).
It's my understanding that if they are withdrawing then they do not want to be reached out to. I have sent him an occasional text saying hi or that I hope he's doing well. He never replies back to me.
I don't think there is a lot left I can do. H said to me in Feb., "don't you think it's just too far gone now?" meaning our R. Sometimes I think it's just better to talk myself into the fact that we won't be together in the future; he's trying to move on from his mistake. I should let him.
It sure is painful though. Even still. I really did love the man he was before he started this crisis.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
