Unfortunately, I do think friends or family members who are having marital problems or affairs can have a big impact on this. An interesting book I read prior to my divorce was one called "Uncoupling." Its a fascinating book (research based) about how relationships dissolve or uncouple. I used it as a map for what not to do. But one chapter talks about the various support systems (friends, affairs, etc...) that contribute to the uncoupling. Without this type of support it's not so likely to occur.
One more good book: "Getting Back Together." Even though you're headed for divorce and may not get in the "back together" stage (which is where I was! My husband was COMPLETELY finished with the marriage and is also a person who never changes his mind. Heck, he's a scientist!!!). This book helped give me a very different view of separation. It helped me see that separation can be very healthy and healing.
Anyhow, I know you have little time, but now's the time to "inhale" relationship books. Learn everything you can about relationships, marriage and women. Even if you can't save the one you have now, at least you'll be an even more amazing boyfriend/husband to someone in the future. I know you don't want to think that now (and you don't have to think about that yet... I don't believe a marriage is over until those last papers are signed). But just focus on you and working toward being an even more fabulous, great guy. You have nothing to lose and there's always the little possibility your wife will consider.. hummm.. maybe I'm making a mistake here.... All you need is just a little doubt. That's a good start (that and friendship!).
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
