My marriage did get to that "nasty" state so OW got to deal with a little more than she expected. The worst part was my children got hurt and when someone hurts my kids I turn into "mama bear."
That's good that you're seeing a pattern to some of your wife's emotions and behavior. By being aware of this you can be more prepared and will have a better understanding of it. Perhaps she's going through some emotionally difficult stuff with her C. The fact you're realizing this connection sounds really good...
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
