I was just thinking the other day how I hardly "know" anyone on the bb anymore, most people who were around when I first registered have fallen away over time . . . I used to spend a fair bit of time here but barely have time now to pop in on the "oldtimers" let alone learn others' stories, and there are so many, unfortunately. So it is nice to hear from folks from the past from time to time.
I don't really post much other than my own evolving thoughts, personal growth and "ah-ha" moments these days. Haven't heard from H in months, he finally (almost 3 years post-bomb) filed toward the end of last year, I didn't contest, and the D came thru some time this spring . . . I actually didn't even note it on my thread b/c it was such a non-event to me, meaningless -- I looked at the paper, said "Huh, how about that," or words to that effect, and stuffed it in a file which I promptly lost (oops!) so I don't even know the actual date on the judgment. It was all so anticlimactic . . . not the least bit emotional.
I don't have any vision of H ever returning to me and at this point I have doubts that I'll ever see him again in this life, barring running into him at a funeral or something (though I think I'd do him the courtesy of trying to avoid him and spare him a meeting, as I don't think he's remotely interested in being reminded that I still exist -- haven't heard a peep from him for months). Meanwhile I am truly enjoying my solo life. Despite this somehow I still truly love my H very much and often miss him but it does not pain me to love him, and I have recently gotten to the point of praying for him regularly again, simply praying for his happiness and that the Lord will guide H on the path that leads to God. For myself now I pray in thanks for everything I have (I have been so blessed!) and for God to keep taking care of me and to guide me to do his will whatever that may be and to prepare me for whatever He may have in store for me.
So that's my update. More on my thread but I know you don't have time. I really hope that eventually things will get back on enough of an even keel for you that you will be able to take some focus off work and start doing some things that are fun for you. Sometimes I feel like a kid who's just gone off to college tasting my freedom -- I'm a pretty responsible type but it does feel darn good to cut loose and have fun, and I do that as much as I (responsibly!) can.
About your s, it sounds like you've done a bit of thinking about this and need to sit w/ him and lay out some ground rules right at the start so everyone's expectations are aligned (b/c let's face it, it's expectations and things not meeting them that always gets ya in the end). Maybe charge him a bit of rent to keep him from getting too comfy (you could always put it into a separate interest-bearing account and return it to him later to use toward another home). Also I was reading in a magazine lately how common it is for 20- and even 30-somethings to move back home and how it can be helpful to set a date on which the arrangement will end and your kid will leave the nest -- keeps them focused and goal-oriented. Others here (parent types) may have other practical suggestions as well.
