I am sorry about your frustrations in the R. Looks like the road to reconciliation is not as straightforward as we have all been hoped for. Problems always exist, no matter at what stage of DB you are in.
I don't have much to offer at this time, but I do like KAW's recommendation to look for positive thing your H does and give him positive reinforcement. I know in a loving and tender R, you are not supposed to be measuring each details of your interactions against your standard. But be aware that you are still DB-ing with the H that stays home, that you love. You would rather to improve the R rather than wait for your H to wake up (though, if he needs some smacking of 2x4, let any of us on the BB know and we would be more than happy to), or face the reality either one of you would just walk away in the future. That would be a trageic conclusion of your effort to this day.
I guess my point was to ask you hand in there. Someone just posted to me this encouragement: M does not make you happy, you have to make a happy M. It is up to you what you want to do with your M, despite your H is "cooperative". I am sure you can pull off a happy and fulfilling M. You just have to have faith and keep trying.
