Afterall..... This IS my life V

[heatherg]

Alright, I know it's been days, but I'm just going to pick up where I left off. I needed time to think and let the latest events calm down.

Stig!!! It was such a great surprise to find your posts on my thread.

So let me get this straight, I'm a little slow sometimes.

Your H has been testing your commitment to him and your R via marital bed spooning depreivation and actual physical distancing.


Except for the word 'spooning', yes, that's correct. He's got other little rituals that he's maintained as well.

IMO there is no end timeline for him.

I don't think there is necessarily an end timeline for him either....but I do think he will change his ways. I've seen some pretty big improvements in his attitude and his treatment of me over the last few months. So, while I don't think he's planning out when he's going to give up the charade, I do feel like he's relaxing his grip. With that being said, I still don't feel particularly loved. That is one of my fears....that he will eventually give all of this up and we'll have the opportunity to try...but because he will never address the issues head on and accept responsibility for his wrongdoings...I'm afraid I won't be able to accept the changes because I will still want him to say the words, to face up to his weaknesses and to acknowledge that his behavior was hurtful and often downright disrespectful. Without that acknowledgement, I don't know if we have a chance.

he needs either an IC or a male friend or some other kind of outside influence (parents?) to sit him down and ask him how this setup he's orchestrating is moving you both down the path of a happy relationship and nuclear family.

I hear what you're saying. But, as you mentioned on another thread somewhere, we are more likely to be straight in a forum such as this because people are much less inclined to risk damaging a RL relationship. An IC might be the best person, however, my H will never allow himself to respect someone like that enough to actually be stung by their words. He does not have respect for too many people and the people he does respect will not risk damaging their R with him. So I think that although it would be valuable to hear words of wisdom from a third party, it will likely never happen. H did go to MC a few times, but he wouldn't continue. He knows a MC will not let him keep the heat on me 100% of the time, and H will not be confronted. He just won't.

Ok, I accidentally submitted that post long before I meant to, so I'll just start a new one.