My Marriage feels helpless III

[runningoutoftime]

I can try to change the subject to something a little more lighter. But I feel that this is me ignoring the sitch and putting things off.

What would be wrong with ignoring the sitch and putting things off? Why should you rush if you don't want the divorce????

My W has made it clear that she is not willing to live like we currently are and wants to start the transition. I do not want to sit back and let her have her way, this is how it always has gone, I want want to make sure that I protect myself and my girls as best as I can.

I'm not sure what you mean by sitting back and letting her have her way. Of course you need to protect yourself and your kids. First make sure you have the best lawyer possible (I had a much better one than my husband), and read up on the laws in your state so that you are fully prepared. By the way, don't sign anything until your lawyer sees it (that's what my lawyer told me. He basically took care of everything). Even though I was dragged into a divorce I didn't want, that didn't mean I didn't position well and make sure that if it went through the kids and I would be fully protected (I took down dates, negative behaviors, learned about my rights, etc...), but... I stillI DBed, worked on building a friendship with my husband, dragged my heels and didn't fill out paperwork until I absolutely had too (I was just too busy living my life to take care of that trivial stuff!!!). Any time my husband would grumble about the time it was taking for the divorce to go through I'd happily reassure him, "Oh, gosh... these things take time. Don't worry everything will be over soon." I was so supportive... although I also was taking everything as SLOWLY as possible.

I understand that the time frame can differ widely depending on your state. Fortunately, in California things can take time. I was also prepared to ask for unrealistic things to force the divorce to take even longer.

I lost 30+ pounds because of a loss of appetite and with a little effort I can put on some muscle weight. Maybe this will have a positive impact on my R maybe it will not.

You don't do this for her and the relationship. You do this for you. Looking great will help you like yourself better. Looking great and feeling good about yourself will make you a woman-magnet and there's a slight chance your wife will notice this (she may not), but it's not for her. It's for you.

As for the tension between us there was a lot. Now it seems since my W has made up her mind on exiting our M the amount of tension has decreased drastically. As for us being friendly I try but I get no response from her. She is cold to me and blames me for the majority of our sitch.

Good, the tension is over. That's the first step towards reestabishing a friendship. Her coldness is because she has made a decision and doesn't want to have feelings towards you. Expect that to continue for a good while. Melting an iceberg can take time. Separation can be helpful.

I should also mention that since my email the otherday to my W were I described my part in our sitch

Ooooh, don't do that anymore. No relationship talk!!! No blame, no logic, you just smile and be supportive (although that does not mean giving in on any legal matters... just smile and say your lawyer will handle that).

Are you guys currently still living together?