I've just really wound myself up today. I just want this to be over.
Yes, if I told him he could go by himself, it would be a total 180, but I would seriously have to be sedated the whole time. I can't leave him here either by himself for the same reason.
This is one way I wound myself up today. I've been totally dwelling on him not wanting to spend 4 days with me. Then today, I took 2 of the boys to the Y to go swimming. He said he was going to the Y before coming to get 7yo. I asked if he wanted to have dinner with us and he said it would have to be after 7. No problem. So I do my thing at the Y this morning... go grocery shopping, take a nap, get dinner prepared and take the 2 to the Y. So it's about 4:30 when we get there. Come 5:30, I couldn't not look out the windows (indoor pool) to see if DH really was coming to the Y to work out.
Side story: I found flirtatious emails between him and a co-worker almost a year ago. We had a big to-do about it and eventually I had words with her and made a scene... embarrassing all 3 of us. I later apologized. He told me then I had nothing to worry about. I asked how he would handle it if I did the same thing and he said he was secure in our marriage, so it wouldn't bother him. I asked if he would have typed those messages if I was looking over his shoulder and he said no. So I said that showed it was inappropriate. She's this cute little single 25yo who drives a cute little BMW convertible. Yeah... I'm this almost 40yo mom of 3 who drives a minivan. I can't compete. So anyway, I don't even know HOW to trust any more!! I know I can't punish him forever. I'm not even trying to punish him, but I need his help and him leaving isn't helping.
Okay, so a while ago he says he wants to join a different gym cuz the Y closes at 9 and it's hard to make it sometimes. He'd like to join another gym... closer to work. Goes on and on about it and a light bulb goes off. He says he knows someone who works out there. Guess who? Yeah. Sooooo today I was figuring he'd be working out with her after work and I spun myself up. In the end, we got out of the pool around 6:10 and sat in the sauna. When we met up in the hallway, I checked in the cardio area and there was DH. *sigh of relief*
He had dinner with us and then leaves immediately to go walking with 7yo. I wish they were walking here.
Maybe I'm just tired. I don't know. When he left, he did kiss me, put his arm around me and tap my behind a couple of times. Then at the car, I had to sign some paperwork to sell the last of our timeshares (we sold majority after the A). I told him I'm not signing divorce papers and he got kinda angry saying I can't use that word (meaning around DS). He said he'd forge those anyway.
At least I didn't act all down while he was here. I just enjoy his company and I'm even looking him in the eye more... that's weird... LOL!!
Okay, after typing that I feel a little better cuz I'm actually looking him in the eye... I even commented that he looked like he lost weight. He blew it off saying it was because he shaved...
