CF- It's been a while since I posted on these boards, but I've been lurking and catching up on most people. I am going to make some observations (some of these might be hard) and draw some parallels with my sitch. First of all, I need to tell you that your posts contained some of the material that I took to heart - things like making a list of positives etc. in my most dire moments. And they paid rich dividends for me - from expecting divorce papers just 2.5 months ago, my wife is planning to move to be with me, so we can all be a family together again. And for those of you that don't know my sitch, I commute about 600 miles flying back and forth every weekend. But this required serious loving detachment which is the only way you can avoid putting pressure on your WAW. I was talking to a friend this afternoon sharing the remarkable turnaround and he shook his head (he went through something similar about 10 years ago) and said - isn't it crazy the way they do things when you quit urging them to do so?
The reason I am even writing about my sitch on your board is that I drew a lot of inspiration from your messages, but for it to work for you - you NEED to PRACTICE what you PREACH. You can't let sudden urges to kiss and hug get in the way. This is going to take an enormous amount of self-control and you know what it takes (you helped me with mine) - you are just not practicing it. So CF, I guess I did the part that AmyC was supposed to do - but honestly, you do have a lot of positives going on. I went for about 3 months without almost seeing my wife (met her thrice each time for about 40 mins during those 3 months). Make a commitment to yourself (you don't need to share it with your wife about you being the patriarch etc.) that you are going to practice self-control and loving detachment (you know exactly what all that means in your sitch - go back to your own posts) for a period of 6 weeks without any backsliding. I think you can do it and you can do it well. I think your actions will speak for themselves and you will see tremendous progress.
You need to GAL too and part of that may involve not being around these boards so much - look what S4N did. Go out, make friends, vent to them, go running/biking whatever helps you take your mind off the sitch. It is evident from your posts that getting this fixed is your single biggest focus - you need to come to terms with the fact you can only change you and the more you do it without trying to draw attention to it, the more it will be noticed (defies logic, but is true).
You helped me considerably CF, and I hope you take this post in the right spirit and act on it. Good luck.
