Need another opinion, is my W OM, friend or more?

[andyv]

Hey Husband,

"Gidday Mate".

I really don't know how long we should hold out.

At the moment, I am in no hurry, so I will play it by ear.

It is difficult with the kids. My DD7 is feeling the effects, and is so "clingy" to both of us these days.

I found out the other day from a cousin that W has already discussed our divorce with DD (and did not tell me).

W has been extra nice to me over the last two days (after admitting her relationship with OM). Eventhough I pretty much forced her to tell me that they were in one so I could move on (she denied anything other than best friends till the last second). It was similar to an interrogation in a Thai prison, other than the beating out of a confession.

Since then I have "tuned out" and have shown no interest in anything she says or does (only been two days).

I suppose the "extra nice" treatment I have been getting is her way of making herself feel better, and thanking me for taking the guilt away from her "secret" romance. Now it is out in the open, it will be interesting to see how things progress.

Like I have said in earlier posts, my W has been the perfect partner for nearly 16 years (had her moments), so I have to take this into account and stick by her as long as I can. I know MLC is unavoidable, but I do take responsibility for triggering it so severly in her.

I had gone through something similar a few years back, and I reckon it was MLC, but I handled it much better (did not stray, did not alienate family and friends, still loved W etc).

So I don't think you will have to live with it for 8 more years. I know I have used the "slowly slowly catch the monkey" line so often, but I think that is what it will take.

The thing that keeps me going is visualising a better marriage, and happier family, and a better "self", once this is all over. If it takes a while, then so be it. If it doesn't go to plan, then I won't lose any sleep thinking "what if", as I have tried my hardest.

So hang in there Husband.